The 2008 MTV Movie Awards are live this Sunday night, but with a disturbing lack of female nominees (is anyone really surprised?), I’ve realized that you might more incentive to watch than usual. How does this do it for you?

OK, so the Pussycat Dolls might not exactly provide a huge musical presence, but the aesthetic boost certainly doesn’t hurt, does it?

Additionally, there are some lovely A-listers scheduled to present awards as well; Sarah Jessica Parker, Lindsay Lohan, Charlize Theron, Katherine McPhee, and Megan Fox are only a few.

Hello, Megan!

My shallow tendencies aside, I can’t really ignore such an obvious opportunity to see drunken celebrities act like, well, I usually do on weekends. After all, who can forget the fabulously groan-inducing Sarah Silverman jokes about jail-bound Paris Hilton a year ago? If only Mike Myers wasn’t hosting this year; I foresee more Love Guru plugs in this show than the American Idol finale. … continue reading

If thousands of years from now our civilization becomes eradicated, much like that of the ancient Egyptians, archaeologists will sift through rock and debris and find artifacts that lead them to the logical conclusion that America had a queen and her name was Oprah. The talk show icon’s legacy will now live on forever thanks in part to sculptor Daniel Edwards, who has recently unveiled his newest piece: “Memories of Sophie and Gracie: A Puppies’ Memorial.”

Edwards created this monument in memory of Oprah’s Cocker Spaniel, Sophie, and Golden Labrador, Gracie, who both passed away this year. Why are the dogs sitting atop her golden head, you ask? Well, Edwards decided to take the road much less traveled in art and place them there for their literal significance: they are always on Oprah’s mind. His message received, I would say. Although Sophie died of natural causes, Oprah’s Labrador died from choking on a ball that she found somewhere within the vastness of the Winfrey estate; Edwards is hoping that his tribute to them will “serve as a reminder to all pet lovers to thoroughly ‘puppy-proof’ their pet’s habitat”. (A public service announcement might have been another helpful way to go about sending this message, but I won’t judge.)

This is not the first time Edwards sculpted a celebrity, or even Oprah for that matter. Back in January, he created a full body bronze sarcophagus of the TV host completely naked (and rather endowed, I might add). Edwards said he created this because he wanted to pay tribute to the closest thing we have in America to a “living deity.” I have always said that a pair of large breasts is a definite sign of godliness. … continue reading

Ratings are God. OK, let me rephrase that before someone chucks a Bible/Koran/Torah/Vedas/dog-eared copy of Atlas Shrugged at my head (what, no radical individualists here?). In the world of television, ratings are God. Sure, good writing and strong acting are minor gods. But the Big Kahuna is, and always will be, ratings. In the quest for more and bigger ones, television has a long and sordid history of sacrificial offerings stunt casting. Though, sometimes when you consider who they’re offering up, you wonder if we the audience aren’t the ones being sacrificed instead. Case in point:

Oy. Two well-regarded (if not on my must-see list) shows, How I Met Your Mother and My Name Is Earl, are bringing on guest starlets Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, respectively. Both shows are no doubt relying on the high-profile cameos to help them build buzz for their new episodes as they return post–writers' strike. And, dagnabbit, if it hasn’t worked. Still, as the doomed character in any sci-fi film would say, “Dear God, what have we done?!”

Brit-Brit, who will appear on How I Met Your Mother March 24, is no doubt using her one-episode appearance as yet another comeback launching pad. She will play “Abby,” a receptionist for Ted’s dermatologist who becomes smitten with him. Scrubs star Sarah Chalke will play the dermatologist. Not like anyone noticed with all the “Oh, my God, that Britney’s shameless” hoopla going around. In fact, Alicia Silverstone dropped out from the dermatologist role precisely for that reason. … continue reading

Yesterday, two new wax figures were unveiled at Madame Tussauds in London. The next time they visit the U.K., Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz can look into the abyss that is themselves sculpted in wax:

Eeek! Waxworks have always creeped me out, even before I'd seen House of Wax (BTW, the 1953 version is sooo much better than the 2005 remake). But because I sort of like to be creeped out, I considered this an opportunity to peruse some other photos of waxy celebrities.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama:

Those could come in handy when you're just sick of campaigning. Also, doesn't that look like a winning ticket? … continue reading

Not to be left out of the recent Candy Spelling/Paris Hilton/Joe Francis "open letter to the incarcerated" trend, Officer Clementine Johnson (aka Wendi McLendon-Covey of Reno 911 and Lovespring International) has offered some thoughtful advice of her own to soon-to-be jailbird Paris Hilton. … continue reading

To Paris:

"I've recently been asked to give "Survival in the Slammer" tips to someone named Paris Hilton. I'm not sure who this is ... is she related to Lawrence Hilton Jacobs from Welcome Back Kotter? I guess it doesn't matter.

It's important to remember that a cavity search has nothing to do with your teeth. However, a "lady" will be looking in your various nooks and crannies for contraband (drugs, weapons, etc.) That doesn't mean you can't keep other things in your cavities like candy or shampoo, but contraband will be confiscated. This procedure will not be videotaped unless you specifically request it.

The New York Daily News recently commissioned Dr. D'Lynn Waldron, one of "the world's leading experts in the art of 'age-processing,'" to imagine how famous New Yorkers will look when they're senior citizens.

First up: Paris Hilton now and at 80 years old. Yikes!

Alicia Keys fares better as a 71-year-old:

… continue reading

But his rendition of Hillary Clinton at 80 is enough to make you wonder if by the Republican party is co-funding this initiative: