Somebody notify the Tin Man: the Wizard finally has a real heart available for his use. As I'm sure at least some of you have heard by now, researchers at the University of Minnesota have managed to grow a living, beating heart in the laboratory. Granted, it was a rat's heart that they grew in that little jar, but you can imagine the implications and the possibilities.

Being the slightly off-center kind of person that I am, my mind immediately wandered to the land of make-believe. I began wondering what might happen if some of the fictional creations I see parading around on the not-so-small screen in my living room were granted new hearts. I mean, if we can grow the things in jars now, why not see what happens when we actually transplant them, right? So, for your amusement as well as mine, here is my list of fictional folk who could do with a newly grown heart.

Before I begin, let me share my little rules for this endeavor. First, I'm not giving new hearts to the characters I relish because they have no heart, like Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada. Second, I am also not giving new hearts to the folks whose twisted, flawed little hearts are what make them so interesting, like Grace Hanadarko in Saving Grace. Instead, I'm giving hearts to the heartless wenches I don't love to hate, the poor souls whose broken hearts need mending and the characters who might find life a bit more tricky if they knew what having a human heart actually felt like.

Let me begin with a real woman who's had enough plastic surgery to qualify as fictional in my world.

Omarosa has been giving acting lessons to Terrell Owens on how to throw effective crying fits for the cameras. I've never been a fan of The Apprentice or the Donald, but I actually cheered when she got fired the first time around. How she qualifies as a celebrity I'll never know, but I guess they needed someone to stir the pot anew.

Earlier today the linster was kind enough to point out to me the delicious idea that Jenny Schecter may in fact have a rat's heart rather than a human one. … continue reading