The CW wants you to watch its new reality show Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, which made its debut last week.

This reality nightmare follows mother-daughter teams as they vie for beauty pageant greatness and live in one big happy household while doing so. (It wouldn't be a true reality show without forced co-habitation, now would it?) The fact that Carson Kressley, minus his Queer Eye cronies, is one of the pageant judges is not enough to get me watching. Seems I made a good choice, considering the scathing reviews so far.

Shanna Moakler, who repeatedly reminds the viewing audience that she was once Miss America, is one of the other judges involved in this debacle.

EW.com has a little video list that shows Moakler detailing her five pageant don'ts. Allow me the pleasure of sharing that list with you.

1. No stripper shoes. And by that she means no six-inch heels. I guess that eliminates Katee Sackhoff and her Wizard of Oz heels. … continue reading

When I was a kid, I enjoyed watching beauty pageants. And as an adult, I've been somewhat ashamed of that fact: What was I thinking? How could I enjoy such blatant sexism and such brainless displays of, um, brainlessness?

But thanks to this video, I think I can finally accept my inner child and give her a big-haired Miss Montana–esque hug. Yes, thanks to this video (via Best Week Ever), I have realized that it was really all about my budding appreciation for comedy. And schadenfreude.

Here's Stacy Hedger, a contestant showing her stuff in the talent portion of a state beauty pageant. The details are fuzzy, but it appears to be from a Nebraska pageant (she was "Miss Douglas County").

(the video is after the cut) … continue reading