Somebody notify the Tin Man: the Wizard finally has a real heart available for his use. As I'm sure at least some of you have heard by now, researchers at the University of Minnesota have managed to grow a living, beating heart in the laboratory. Granted, it was a rat's heart that they grew in that little jar, but you can imagine the implications and the possibilities.

Being the slightly off-center kind of person that I am, my mind immediately wandered to the land of make-believe. I began wondering what might happen if some of the fictional creations I see parading around on the not-so-small screen in my living room were granted new hearts. I mean, if we can grow the things in jars now, why not see what happens when we actually transplant them, right? So, for your amusement as well as mine, here is my list of fictional folk who could do with a newly grown heart.

Before I begin, let me share my little rules for this endeavor. First, I'm not giving new hearts to the characters I relish because they have no heart, like Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada. Second, I am also not giving new hearts to the folks whose twisted, flawed little hearts are what make them so interesting, like Grace Hanadarko in Saving Grace. Instead, I'm giving hearts to the heartless wenches I don't love to hate, the poor souls whose broken hearts need mending and the characters who might find life a bit more tricky if they knew what having a human heart actually felt like.

Let me begin with a real woman who's had enough plastic surgery to qualify as fictional in my world.

Omarosa has been giving acting lessons to Terrell Owens on how to throw effective crying fits for the cameras. I've never been a fan of The Apprentice or the Donald, but I actually cheered when she got fired the first time around. How she qualifies as a celebrity I'll never know, but I guess they needed someone to stir the pot anew.

Earlier today the linster was kind enough to point out to me the delicious idea that Jenny Schecter may in fact have a rat's heart rather than a human one. … continue reading

Yeah, it's true. We've been waiting for this. America's Next Top Model was fine, but we've had to make our own gay fun with that show (wigs, kielbasa sausages, need I say more?). But The L Word? Our work is half done for us!

Our first blog of the new year is also our first L Word vlog of the year. For the inaugural episode, we talk about everything from podcasts (heh) to how to choose a wingman.

We also discuss:

1.) Why Jane Lynch is a genius
2.) If there really is such a thing as Hot Prison
3.) All the ways in which Jenny has lost her damn mind

We talk about other stuff too, but you'll have to watch the vlog to find out what. Oh, all right, I'll give you a hint: bondage.

Welcome back to Nowhere!

Note: starting next week, episodes of WGN will be posted on Wednesdays.

As I am prone to do, I was wandering around the Web over the weekend and came across a great tool to find out what's playing on TV. No, it's not TV Guide. Although now that I've mentioned TV Guide, I have an excuse to post this.

Best. TV Guide. Cover. Ever. Pictures like that are why I continue to buy TV Guide even though its channel listings are too small to read.

With LocateTV, which launched its public Beta version in October, my aging vision is not a problem. And it's a lot of fun to play with. The site describes itself well:

"The idea behind LocateTV is simple — to let you find TV shows available where you live in the world, be they on broadcast TV, online or on recorded media (DVD, HD-DVD etc)."

You can search by title, actor or category — sort of like TiVo, but free. I was in the mood for Jodie yesterday (as if I'm not always in the mood for Jodie) so I entered "Jodie Foster." Um, I mean I put her name in the search box. Her directorial debut, Little Man Tate, was showing at 3:15 p.m. CST on Encore. … continue reading

Via digg.com, I came across a list of the "Top 10 physical transformations for film." It recognizes some truly stunning instances of shape-shifting in the service of art, including these:

Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry

Charlize Theron in Monster

But, as usual, the list was mostly male-oriented. So here are some cinematic chameleons of the female variety. I'm including TV as well as film, and some of these are really evolutions over the span of a career, rather than transformations for a specific roles. But hairdos, makeup, wardrobe and weight changes have definitely helped these actresses play their parts. Here they are in no particular order.

1. Chloe Sevigny, If These Walls Could Talk 2 vs. Big Love … continue reading