I recently saw a trailer for a small British movie that is due out this June called Miss Conception. This film has all the makings of your typical British comedy: There's driving on the wrong side of the road, people drinking tea … Mia Kirshner and Heather Graham. Crikey! Mia and Heather are British? Well, no. But if I didn't have it on good authority (via a quick trip to Google) that Ms. Graham was born in Wisconsin and Ms. Kirshner was born in Canada, I could see how an unsuspecting person would think that they were in fact from across the pond just by watching the trailer.

A millisecond into the preview, we hear both Mia and Heather sporting fairly impressive faux-English accents. It is obvious to those of us in the entertainment know (or those who have access to Google) that these women are faking it and are actually from North America, but that knowledge aside — do you find their accents believable?

Judging their entire performance based on this 60-second trailer, I can make the dubious claim that they both did a pretty good job. I couldn't pinpoint what region of England they're pretending to be from, but then again I'm not a linguist and never wished to be one, so I'll leave those little details to the experts.

The shock of hearing Jenny Schecter speak with an accent got me thinking: Who else in the movie biz has mastered the art of British speak? If blindfolded and left only to depend on sound, which actors would dupe me into thinking I was talking to a gal from jolly olde England? … continue reading

Hey, did something happen in Hollywood last night? Oh, right; a bunch of people went home with shiny naked golden men. While some may quibble with a few of the winners, last night’s Oscars telecast was a night when Tinsel Town pretty much got things right. Sure, I would have loved for Juno to sneak in and steal No Country for Old Men’s Oscar for Best Picture. But that might have incurred the wrath of Anton Chigurh, and the last thing you want to do is to make a man with a Dorothy Hamill haircut and a compressed-air gun angry.

The evening was largely a classy affair, with lots of first-time winners, loads of heartfelt speeches and even a couple genuine surprises. So in the spirit of honoring excellence, here are a few awards of my own. May I have the envelope, please?

Best Straight Allies: Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth

The filmmakers won for their short documentary Freeheld, about a lesbian couple’s fight to win survivorship benefits. (Look for more details in Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. this Friday.)

Best Upset I Didn’t Know I Wanted: Marion Cotillard

I thought I’d be mad at Marion for upsetting my personal favorite Julie Christie for Best Actress, but after hearing her exuberant, charming and sincere speech, I’ve fallen in love instead.

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One of life’s great shared injustices is the yearbook photo. We all had to get them. And — unless they’ve somehow magically found a cure for awkwardness, geekiness and general dorkitude since I was a teenager — most of us dreaded them. For whatever reason, be it bad skin, bad clothes or the steadfast yet ultimately misguided belief in the transformative properties of big bangs, many of us look back at our school pictures and cringe. Or, at the very least, giggle. But you know what? Celebrities had to get them too, just like us mere mortals. Now that is what I call justice.

So, let’s play a little game called Name That Teenager. It’ll be fun; like being back in high school, but already knowing what everyone will look like at the class reunion. Let the games begin:

Among them you have a Rock star, an Alien hunter, an alphaBette and the possible next president of the United States of America.

Give up? … continue reading

I don't know about you, but this hasn’t been my favorite year at the movie theater. While a handful of independent charmers made their mark, all in all I wasn’t blown away by many of the big-budget, big-star offerings at the cineplex this year. But, ever the cinematic optimist, I’ve already got three reasons to look forward to 2008. I say out with the old and serious, in with the new and funny. These three upcoming comedies caught my eye. So bring on the new year and save me some popcorn.

1. Nim's Island (April 2008) … continue reading

Think you're underpaid? Think the guy three cubicles down from you is overpaid? Well, take heart. Your pay scale cannot be as wonky and egregious as that of the Hollywood elite. Forbes magazine did some complex calculations based on some superstars' last three films (don't ask me to explain the equation; I'm a writer and therefore allergic to math). They found that some were paid appropriately based on their rate of return, and others were vastly overpaid. Now, I may not be good at math, but duh.

The high and low ends of the scale belonged to male stars. Matt Damon had the best pay-to-profit ratio; for every $1 he earned, his films grossed $29. The worst? Russell Crowe — for each $1 he made, his films made $5. Talk about your fuzzy math. Of course, I'm most interested to see how the female A-listers fared. … continue reading

Boo! Did I scare you? No, well, fine. But I do know a scary secret. Lean close, I'll tell you. Closer. A bit closer. Boo! OK, come on, that time I had to scare you, just a little. Actually, this news is probably only truly terrifying to the actresses whose dirty little secrets I’m about to spill. You see, before they were screen queens, these ladies were all scream queens. Sure, they’re all big Oscar winners, A-listers and TV stars now. But at the start of their careers, they were just glorified bait. Here's a look at 10 actresses' horrific early careers.

Jamie Lee Curtis (Halloween, 1978): Like mother, like daughter. Jamie Lee followed in her mom Janet Leigh’s bloody footprints by squaring off with a Psycho killer. But at least Jamie got to live to fight another day, albeit two decades later in Halloween H20. … continue reading

I know you have an opinion on the Ellen brouhaha. So do I. So does, well, everybody. But I believe that in the midst of the most heated controversy, we can find common ground. Women. We all love women. And where you find women who love women, you find women who love animals. In the spirit of unity, then, let's look at women we love and their pets. OK, yes, it's an excuse to post pictures of cute women. Starting with Joss Stone and Dusty.

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This week on the set of Baz Luhrmann's new period drama, Australia, co-star Bill Hunter offered AfterEllen Hottie No. 94 Nicole Kidman a friendly hand. Australian papers couldn't help but caption this (and clearly, nor can I):

Northern Territory News: "Nicole Earns a Territory Handshake"
Daily Telegraph: "Nicole's Bum Steer in Outback"
Me: "Nicole's Helping Hand Down Under"

We can anticipate a big-screen tweaking of Kidman's bum when Australia opens in 2008. Set during WWII, this scene from the movie is designed to show the difficulties that her character, Lady Sarah Ashley, faces in a male-dominated world. (Gee, I wonder what that's like?) … continue reading