Why is everyone so ashamed of admitting they like reality television (myself included)? Honestly, I have probably seen more episodes of America's Next Top Model than I have of Law & Order: SVU, yet the latter is the only one showing up in my "favorite television shows" on MySpace or Facebook. (And if I can admit I'm on both of those, why is it so hard to profess my love for Rock of Love?)

The contestants of America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 at judging

Photo credit: Eric Liebowitz/The CW

There are some really great reality shows, such as Project Runway, Work Out, the two I mentioned above, and several others. What ruins it for us all — all of us closeted reality TV fans — are the ridiculously embarrassing shows. Not the ones that are so bad they're good (speaking of, I really can't wait for Living Lohan on E!). You know the awful ones I'm talking about — the ones that make you embarrassed of not only reality but human interaction.

I've always known about them, and even suffered through an episode or two, but it's only recently I realized how bad it has become. I realized this the week that two new shows hit my screen in previews: Farmer Wants a Wife and Groomer Has It. … continue reading

After last week’s poor choice of theme on American Idol, I remember thinking to myself, “Self, it can only get better from here.” I was incredibly mistaken. It appears as though every theme will eventually repeat itself later in the season under the guise of a different name: “Songs from the Lennon/McCartney Songbook” became “Beatles Night,” and now “'80s Night” has morphed into “Songs from the Year You Were Born.” Oh, boy. (I can only count down the days until Dolly Parton is the mentor!)

Ramiele Malubay kicked things off with a performance of Heart’s “Alone,” prompting the inevitable comparison to Carrie Underwood’s performance of the same back in Season 4. Who sang it better? You decide.

Ramiele Malubay:

Carrie Underwood: … continue reading

The American Idol producers thought last week’s show went so well, they might as well do an “encore night” of Beatles songs. I guarantee you they regret their decision today. Last night, most of the contestants chose to pass on some of the more well-known Beatles songs, and very few performances stuck out. Luckily, for Kristy Lee Cook though, no one was completely dreadful this week, either. Amanda Overmyer finally got a chance to open the show last night, and I thought she looked great. Thank goodness they stopped overdoing it with her style.

As far as her sound, well, it was the same-old, same-old, and I think her time might be running out unless she can show us something new next week.

Kristy Lee Cook was as boring as usual. She is so out of her league in this competition, it’s ridiculous. Sadly, my favorite lady, Brooke White, was also fairly bland. She sang “Here Comes the Sun,” and when I say that’s what she sang, I’m being literal. Those were virtually the only lyrics she used in the entire performance. It was repetitive and awkward. She was totally out of her element, and I was totally disappointed. I’m just going to forget about that performance and focus back on “Let It Be” and “Love Is a Battlefield.”

The one bright spot on the night was our favorite Irish lady, Carly Smithson. She definitely loses points in my book, though, for her odd (and unnecessary) use of symbolism while explaining to Simon why she chose, out of the entire Beatles’ collection, to sing about a blackbird. … continue reading

This week brings several new shows to the small screen for your viewing pleasure. Most heralded is the Ashton Kutcher comedy Miss Guided, starring Judy Greer.

Greer plays ex-nerd Becky Freeley, a guidance counselor at the high school she attended. Although I expected to see something fresh with Kutcher at the helm, Miss Guided looks like just one more show about how a former high school misfit overcomes the past to find success. The show even has Becky's one-time nemesis, former homecoming queen Lisa Germain (Brooke Burns) who now teaches English, to complicate life just like the old days. And, guess what? Becky and Lisa both have the hots for the Spanish teacher! Comedy gold.

Reviews of the premier episode have been mixed (the Boston Herald review bears the headline, "Flunk'd," while courant.com calls the show "delightful"), but the cast gets good marks for making the most of a mediocre pilot, so we have reason to hope the show will improve. Miss Guided premieres Tuesday at 10:30 p.m. ET on ABC, then will move into its regular time slot of 8 p.m. Thursday.

Thursday at 8:30 p.m., a new reality show comes to HGTV, starring the winner of the network's Design Star, Kim Myles.

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A few weeks ago, we reported that Marlee Matlin will be on the new season of Dancing With the Stars.

It seemed strange to me at first — not because she's deaf, but because she just doesn't seem like the reality TV type, whatever that is — but this video makes me think she'll be pretty adorable on the show.

"I must have been drunk that morning." Heh.

If only she could keep Nancy O'Dell (or another woman with a grabbable booty) as her dance partner! But her partner on the show will be Fabian Sanchez, aka the 2006 U.S. Mambo Champion. He's not half as lovely as Jennifer Beals, which I suppose goes without saying. Here's another clip of Fabian and Marlee, this time on Entertainment Tonight. … continue reading

Last night on American Idol, the new set was unveiled to mark the beginning of this year’s finals. Ryan Seacrest made a big to-do about it, and the cameras swooped around the stage to show off all the changes. I, for one, didn’t see that much difference, but I do like that the band is now on a balcony above the stage. That was cool.

When they finally got to the singing part of the show (remember that?), they revealed that the tunes for the evening would be those of John Lennon and Paul McCartney. Apparently, the Idol producers decided it was a good idea to butcher songs by the greatest songwriters of all time, rather than the usual mediocre ones. I love the Beatles, and I figured out early that the performances would take on one of two forms: phenomenal or disastrous. Those are the only options for songs of this caliber.

Boy, was I dead on. I am sorry to report that on the aforementioned scale, the ladies were more frequently found on the “disastrous” end of things. Particularly Kristy Lee Cook, singing “8 Days a Week.” I believe this may have been one of the worst performances on Idol, ever (and I’m a country music fan!). Check out the fiasco performance for yourself.

Yuck. On the other hand, two of my favorite contenders were absolutely fantastic. Carly Smithson, everyone’s favorite Irish “amateur,” sang “Come Together.” In her pre-performance interview, Carly revealed that the song was very familiar to her; she sings it almost every time she performs. … continue reading

Last night, the final 12 Idol girls tried to impress America. I was mildly entertained, but where's this year's Melinda Doolittle or Jennifer Hudson? I guess we mustn't be greedy.

After the show, I looked at my list of favorites so far and realized their first names all start and end with an a (or at least end with an "uh" sound): Amanda Overmyer, Alexandréa Lushington and Asia'h Epperson. Weird!

Amanda:

Alexandréa:

Asia'h:

The pattern would have been broken if I had been able to include Syesha Mercado, and I was expecting to. But, as my girlfriend said, last night Syesha was more like Sy-yeeeesh!-a. Not the best song choice, although Simon did like it.

Anyway, Amanda Overmyer is definitely my girl this year, and I hope she lasts a while. She can actually rock, rather than just pretend to rock, and she seems very down-to-earth. (Her Q&A on the Idol website is great — "Q: What other talents do you have?" "A: Harley rider, good cook.") Plus, that hair! It's some sort of Elvira-meets-Debbie-Harry-meets-Concrete-Blonde look. Here she is singing "Baby Please Don't Go": … continue reading

The headline pretty much says it all. American Gladiators ended its run as strike filler last night, and though I watched and loved the original when I was a kid, I don't remember the Gladiators of my youth looking nearly as hot — nor as disarmingly adorable — as Crush, aka mixed martial artist Gina Carano.

Though I guess it was fun to watch the tenacious contestants battle the superhuman Gladiators, I credit these five reasons for my abject obsession with the show this time around:

1. Crush's well-proportioned body. It's perfectly muscular without being disgustingly, Titanly huge.

Perfect proportions:

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Now that the weeks-long exercise in public humiliation — aka the audition phase — is over, I can finally watch American Idol. Last night, the Hollywood round began, which means tonight we'll meet the 12 women and 12 men who will vie for the ultimate title.

I already have a favorite: Amanda Overmyer, the goth nurse from Indiana. The Janis Joplin comparison is probably going to get old, but she really does have that groove. The minute Amanda started singing last night, my girlfriend laughed and said, "You're such a sucker for a gravelly voice." I am, I am! Plus, Amanda reminds me of Johnette Napolitano of Concrete Blonde.

Here she is with that whiskey-soaked voice of hers:

Meanwhile, I'm not quite sure what I think of Carly Smithson yet. She's the one who has already had a record deal, which still makes me go hmm. But she did belt the hell out of that great Heart song "Alone" last night (after a slow start), and I can't help but dig her tattoos. … continue reading

Recently, my television viewing has been limited to Cashmere Mafia, my Season 1 box set of 30 Rock and (predominantly trashy) reality television. However, one new reality show has not let me down: NBC’s American Gladiators. The revived version has proven to be every bit as campy as the first, and almost all of the secrets to the show's success are back — bigger than ever.

Last night was the first of two episodes that serve as the semifinals, and there are four women left. I know you have already met the gladiators, but in case you forgot, here’s a little reminder.

Heaven is right!

OK, onward. Now, let me introduce you to the remaining female contenders.

In last night’s competition, Shanay Norvell and Siene Silva battled for a place in the finals. Norvell is a 31-year old Life Wellness Trainer for adolescents, and was a self-proclaimed “pipsqueak” when she was younger. She weighs in with a 5'5", 141-pound frame, and is shown here modeling for fitdreamteam.com.

Silva rings in with a slightly smaller (5'4", 127 pounds) build, yet just as much punch. She is currently a gymnastics instructor and life coach, but once was a high school power lifting champion and an arm wrestler. (Yikes!) Here she is at the 2007 National Physique Committee’s Southern States Bodybuilding, Fitness and Figure Championships (mouthful, isn’t it?). Oh, and P.S. — she was the Overall Winner of the Women’s Fitness Open competition. … continue reading

Today on the Chicago Tribune blog The Watcher, TV critic Maureen Ryan exposes an American Idol contestant who has already made an album. Carly Smithson, highlighted on last night's episode of Idol, released a major-label album in 2001 under her maiden name, Carly Hennessy. She got through to the Hollywood round on Idol in 2005, but had visa issues (she's Irish) and had to leave the show.

Apparently her MCA-backed album failed to launch her career: It sold only 378 copies in its first week. So she's still trying to get that big break.

Is this a cover-up on the producers' part, or no big deal? Says Ryan,

True, the singing contest is inevitably going to feature people who have had professional careers and recording contracts. But there’s a difference between someone who’s been a backup singer or had a few self-released or indie albums and someone who’s had major backing from one of the biggest record labels in the world.

Isn’t this competition about discovering fresh new talents? Smithson was hardly undiscovered. Fine. Just tell people that.

I guess that's just it; it depends on what the competition is about and how you define fresh. Yeah, she made a record, but not many people heard it — it's like that tree falling in the forest. Only more tuneful. How "undiscovered" can you be, anyway, in the MySpace age? … continue reading

Has Nip/Tuck been on lately? I feel like I haven't seen it in weeks. But I can't say I've missed it, really; I still haven't recovered from the hot tub thing. Poor Paula Marshall.

Anyway, Rosie O'Donnell returns tonight as Dawn Budge, and this time she's giving orders on Sean and Christian's TV show. Should be fun.

Meanwhile, American Idol is back tonight at 87c on Fox. Are you ready? Or maybe the better question is, are you even going to bother to watch? Last season I swore I'd never watch again if Melinda Doolittle didn't win, but I think we all know I was just posturing. The show always draws me in — plus, it could be the best thing on TV during the writers' strike.

I'm also hoping against hope that there will be an openly lesbian contestant this year. I mean, it's Season 7. Seven seasons without one out lesbian? That's not reality TV — that's the most unrealistic thing I've ever heard. And I don't want a she-must-be-gay contestant like Briana Ramirez-Rial (or even the much-rumored Kelly Clarkson). I'm looking for the next big lesbian singer-songwriter-superstar. (Hey, there's an idea for a show.)

EW.com has a preview of the season and a whole section devoted to the Idol. For those of you who (like my girlfriend) would rather skip the public humiliation that is the national tryouts, you don't need to tune in until Feb. 12, when the Hollywood round begins.

A while back, I told you about the updated version of American Gladiators, set to hit the small screen Jan. 6. At the time, I told you I was waiting with bated breath to see who would be filling the spandex on the women's side of gladiator row. Well, the list has arrived. The 12 new gladiators have been primped, posed and photographed for your viewing pleasure. The cast is led by hosts Hulk Hogan and the beautiful Laila Ali, who could easily be one of the gladiators herself.

The six male gladiators have names like Justice, Mayhem and Militia. But, as you might expect, I'm far more interested in the women. I figured you might be too, so I'll stick with the six women from here on out.

Let us begin with 6'1" bodybuilder and World's Strongest Woman competitor Robin Coleman, known in the arena as Hellga. (Yes, with two L's.) … continue reading

The CW wants you to watch its new reality show Crowned: The Mother of All Pageants, which made its debut last week.

This reality nightmare follows mother-daughter teams as they vie for beauty pageant greatness and live in one big happy household while doing so. (It wouldn't be a true reality show without forced co-habitation, now would it?) The fact that Carson Kressley, minus his Queer Eye cronies, is one of the pageant judges is not enough to get me watching. Seems I made a good choice, considering the scathing reviews so far.

Shanna Moakler, who repeatedly reminds the viewing audience that she was once Miss America, is one of the other judges involved in this debacle.

EW.com has a little video list that shows Moakler detailing her five pageant don'ts. Allow me the pleasure of sharing that list with you.

1. No stripper shoes. And by that she means no six-inch heels. I guess that eliminates Katee Sackhoff and her Wizard of Oz heels. … continue reading