Don't judge the number on this list!  Six is my lucky number.  Or am I just saying that six is my lucky number as an April fool's joke?  You can't be sure what is or isn't true today, can you? Now that I have made you paranoid, here are my Top Six Moments in Entertainment that I wish were just bad pranks rather than true events.

6. Anne Heche Phones Home

Anne Heche has had some public ups and downs but nothing shines so bright as her attempt to board the Mothership.

In 2000, Heche (aka Celestia, aka AreYouKiddingMe?!) was found wandering in a rural area outside Fresno wearing only a bra and shorts (attire only acceptable for Dinah Shore weekend).  AreYouKiddingMe?! rang a stranger's doorbell and requested directions to a gateway into outer space and then asked if she could use their shower. (I always freshen up before exiting the planet.)

5. Cher Retires...

...again and again and again.  The artist only known by one name (and Mama Bear to Chastity Bono, pictured below sporting a mullet) has been entertaining the world for over 40 years. She won an Academy Award, Grammy Award, Emmy Award and three Golden Globes.

Sadly, Cher hung her wigs up for good during her Farewell Tour in April 2005 at the Hollywood Bowl. We miss you Cher we miss you ... but wait! We will NOT miss you anymore because you're back in effect at Caesar's Palace performing the Cher Resurrection Cher Returns tour!

You tricked us Cher! We thought you were going to sit home in a rocking chair crocheting until death came knocking at your door. Good one Cher! You really April-fooled us this time! (P.S. more butt tattoos, please.)

4. Winona Ryder Needs to Borrow Five Bucks

In 2002, Hollywood's not so-girl next door Winona Ryder was convicted of stealing $5,500 in clothing from Saks Fifth Ave.  The two-time Academy Award nominee has worked with Tim Burton and sex goddess Angelina Jolie, yet all she ever wanted was a petite oyster-colored sweater set.

In one afternoon, Ryder set pixies back 20 years. Tinkerbell is the only one we can trust now. … continue reading

Cats are better than dogs.

OK, I'm not really talking about Catwoman. But I wanted to deflect the ire of dog-lovin' lesbians long enough to let me make a point. And I do have one.

Yes, another gratuitous picture. You're welcome.

Personally, I love dogs and cats equally. I have cats because, well, I'm lazy. But a recent University of Minnesota study suggests that people with cats are less likely to die of cardiovascular disease than people without cats. Dog owners had the same rate of stroke and heart attack as non-owners. Of course, I already knew that my cats help reduce stress, especially when I'm working at home. I mean, this is what I see when I'm blogging.

One theory about the results has to do with the nature of cats — they are lap animals that want to be petted. When the owner pets the cat, down goes the stress. I would have to balance that with another aspect of the feline nature: a fondness for attacking toes when the owner is asleep. And the fact that a kitty's favorite place to sleep is on whatever part of the bed is highest at a given moment and, if its position is threatened, it will hang on with extended claws. In other words, sex can be, well, a pain in the butt. Literally. (This is, unfortunately, not just theory.)

Still, we love our kitties. Witness the popularity of Lolcats. … continue reading

It's been all over the news, and Ellen DeGeneres herself has called attention to it: Last month, Lawrence King, 15, was shot at school in Oxnard, CA. He was later declared brain-dead. The classmate who shot him faces a first-degree murder charge and a hate crime charge, based on Lawrence's sexual orientation and gender expression.

"He would come to school in high-heeled boots, makeup, jewelry and painted nails — the whole thing," said Michael Sweeney, 13, an eighth-grader. "That was freaking the guys out."

Various memorials for Lawrence King are being held in March and April. And Logo (AfterEllen.com's parent company) has created a PSA in his honor.

Portia de Rossi, Janet Jackson, T.R. Knight and others remind us that "none of us is safe until all of us are safe."

For more information and to remember Lawrence, visit the GLSEN site or logononline.com.

The stars came out in droves to support the Trevor Project's annual fundraiser in L.A. last weekend (go to trevorproject.org for more info), and we've got photos galore! Check 'em out...

Ellen DeGeneres

Jodie Foster

… continue reading

The failure of the American public to appreciate Arrested Development is an undeniable sign of our collective decline as a country.

The show was smart, funny, irreverent, funny, virtuosic, funny, clever, funny, important and funny. And its demise is proof that satire just isn't valued these days (where have you gone, Jackie Woodman?).

Now, on to the news. Actually, it's little more than a rumor at this point, but maybe — just maeby — an Arrested Development movie is in progress. … continue reading

So, are you watching Nip/Tuck? I am, but often through my fingers — and not because of the plastic surgery scenes. I want to see Portia de Rossi and Joely Richardson as often as possible (who wouldn't?), but every time they show up, I wince and fear mishandling of the story line.

[Warning: Mild spoilers]

Last week, I really liked Julia's heart-to-heart with Sean. She seemed like a woman who's not really embracing or rejecting anything just yet. And she was kind to her ex-husband, which is always a breath of fresh air on a show that has come to rely on exposure (of every sort) and betrayal for drama. It wasn't always like that — the first couple of seasons of Nip/Tuck were richer and more complex, still soapy but not always taking the easy way out.

And the easy way out is what worries me. Right after Julia's forthrightness warmed the cockles of my heart, Sean and Christian played cock of the walk, tossing around epithets and bravado until I felt sick. So I don't know whether to be optimistic about the Julia/Olivia relationship — well, I know I shouldn't have high hopes for a happy ending, but will we even get to enjoy a few short weeks of romance and hotness? I'm a fool to believe, and Liz (Roma Maffia) would be the first to tell me so. … continue reading