Pop quiz: Take a look at this ad. Examine it closely. Study it intently. Consider it, um, fully. Now what exactly is it selling?

Uhhh, push-up bras? Umm, skin care products? Errr, flotation devices? No. No. And, seriously, no. This ad is selling — drumroll, please — shampoo. Yes, shampoo. The stuff you wash your hair with every day. I am in no way joking.

More specifically, this is an ad from Brazil for Pantene Pro-V. And, oh, it gets better. Just wait until you read the tag line, which translates roughly to: “Ensure that your hair will be the second thing he looks at.” … continue reading

Advertising has one, stunningly simple goal: to make you buy stuff. So then it's always shocking to me to see an ad campaign that has the polar opposite effect; an ad campaign that is so patently offensive it makes me never, ever, not even if they paid me want to buy their product; an ad campaign like the new French “WE ARE ANIMALS” spots for Wrangler.

So, OK, you're thinking, "I'm not entirely sure what's going on here. Why is there a person lying wet, muddy and bedraggled at water's edge. Are dirty, torn-up, leaf-strewn jeans the next acid wash? Wait, is that a corpse?" Alas, to help clear things up in the worst possible way you see the next ad in the campaign.

“WE ARE ANIMALS” apparently means we are animals who are into dead, probably murdered, possibly sexually assaulted women. Wear these jeans, they're killer! Even from the most basic “buy this” standpoint these ads make no sense. Why would I want to wear a dead girl's jeans? … continue reading

Recently, I wrote a post for my blog (yes, I’ve been writing for other blogs. I’m sorry you had to find out like this, but maybe it’s for the best. It’s me, not you — you’re lovely, I swear) about the Monster Cereals of the 1970s — Boo Berry, Frankenberry, and Count Chocula.

My nostalgia-fueled treatise later got me thinking about cereal in general, which led to me thinking — OK, some might say obsessing — about the total lack of gender equality in the world of the cereal mascot.

Pop quiz, hotshot: Quick — name a cereal with a single, recognizable cartoon mascot who’s a girl.

Did you come up with anyone? Sorry, Strawberry Shortcake and Rainbow Brite don’t count. Sure, they had their own cereals for a time, but they had other careers before they got into cereal promotion.

You know, like Urkel (yes, Urkel of the sitcom Family Matters gave the world “Urkel-Os,” and I think we can all agree that it was a dark time in American history).

I’m talking about characters like Sugar Bear and Toucan Sam, those who made their mark by convincing children that starting the day with a massive bowl of sugar and dye was the best thing ever. Where my girls at? … continue reading

I like to keep an eye on what the boys over at AfterElton are doing — and they’ve been raving about Ugly Betty for so long now, as one of the gay-friendliest shows on U.S. TV, that I figured I should check it out when it came over to the U.K. last year. While I can’t say I completely share their enthusiasm — the main gay character, Marc St. James, seems way too much like Jack from Will & Grace to me, and as such he isn’t exactly breaking any new ground — the show itself is fun, and quite sweet, and I would probably watch it quite happily, if it were not for one thing.

That one thing is Dulux, the international paint company that sponsors Ugly Betty in the U.K. Before every episode starts, and at the beginning and end of each advertising break, I have to watch another Dulux commercial. Now, normally this wouldn’t be a big deal — after all, you can just press the mute button and think about something else for five minutes — and perhaps I shouldn’t even be calling attention to this. But here’s an example of the Dulux ads that have been running recently in the U.K., on the theme of paint colors that are a “perfect match”: … continue reading

OK, I'm going to tell you right up front what I'm writing about: Sarah Michelle Gellar and Vaseline. Go ahead. Let your mind go there. SMG and I will wait.

The real story is not even close to the one in your sordid imagination. But it does involve seeing a whole lot of skin — and very beautiful skin at that.

Yep, that's Sarah, the newest celebrity to take it all off for Vaseline. You may remember that SMG has eschewed nudity in her film roles, despite playing a few less-than-wholesome parts like Kathryn in Cruel Intentions. And I'm still scratching my head about her Maxim spread. But Gellar's nudity is far from titillating in this ad campaign. Well, not intentionally. Personally, though, I find nothing quite as alluring as a soft, feminine neck. … continue reading

Here's the thing: I use Dove. I like Dove. I happen to think they make nice soap. And if they also happen to put out some nice television ads, well, all the better. But recently the brand and its Campaign for Real Beauty have come under fire by critics who have cried hypocrisy because Dove is owned by the same company that puts out, among many other things, Axe body spray. On the one hand, positive messages telling young girls about having good body image; on the other, sleazy messages telling young boys about bagging hot chicks. Oh, the conundrum.

Dove’s latest ad, called “Onslaught,” is interesting for many reasons. In the clip, an adorable red-haired girl smiles innocently into the camera, only to be bombarded with a montage of images urging her to look “younger, smaller, lighter, firmer, tighter, thinner, softer.” … continue reading

Let me start out with an apology. This post will make you watch commercials. Actually, if I’m going to split hairs, this post really only requires that you listen to commercials. So, if you’re against our culture’s rampant consumerism, just click play and turn your head. OK, end of apology. Though, really, considering all the great music in commercials these days, I don’t think I have much to be sorry about. In fact, quite the opposite. I mean, any ad that includes a phenomenal artist like Feist is an ad that will make me stop channel surfing.

Each time the ever-present iPod nano commercial featuring Feist’s video for “1234” comes on, I feel like dancing. Or, more accurately, I feel like dancing in a big Technicolor Broadway spectacular. Thanks to Scribe Grrrl, I had discovered the Canadian chanteuse before the ad hit the airwaves. Since the commercials began airing, Feist’s album sales have soared. To which I say, bless you Steve Jobs. … continue reading

It's no secret that media uses nostalgia to market just about everything, and it makes sense that Schwan's Fine Frozen Foods would be one of them. But they've outdone themselves with a new billboard promotional. What freaks me out a little is that I've actually heard one of my (very straight) aunts say this very thing in regards to herself:

Oh, my, where to start? Jokes about "prepared to serve"? The whole two women and a delivery guy vibe is a little porny, and I could deconstruct the sexist semantics of "housewife" all week, but instead, as I sit here at work avoiding dealing with other people's problems, I'll just fantasize. Let's think about the message: What women really want is to stay at home, marry other women, and eat lots of food. Truthfully, that sounds like a ready-to-serve slice of heaven. Anyway, Padma Lakshmi might agree.

I love the whole nostalgia marketing ploy in general; it's responsible for a collection close to my own refrigerator heart. I own each of these in magnet form. And I think I've seen a few of these attached to users around AfterEllen.com, haven't I? … continue reading

Yes, friends, it has come to this. I am blogging about a bag of chips. No, I have not been stricken by an acute case of the munchies. I swear. Really, I swear. That’s just patchouli. Would it make you feel any better if I said that this is really a post about Missy Elliott, masquerading as a post about chips?

Missy recently signed a deal to be the new spokeswoman for Doritos Collisions, the chips with two flavors in one bag. The campaign’s high concept (seriously, I swear it’s patchouli) is that Doritos Collisions are like music mash-ups. They’re two great flavors/songs that go great together. Or at least that’s what the marketers say. Me, I’m both amused and perplexed by the new TV ad. Does everyone else see the cowboy, or have I wandered into a David Lynch film again? … continue reading

Last week the patty melts hit the fan for Carl's Jr. (or Hardees, if you're from my neck of the U.S.), when they released a new commercial as part of their new "flat buns" campaign. That is, flat grilled rye bread. But it's too much to expect the company who brought us Paris Hilton making soapy love to a Bentley to resist anatomical puns about the female body, so it's really no surprise that their new commercial features this:

Yeah, that's Teacher getting a little naughty to the tune of a rap called "flat buns." Here's the entire 30-second spot: … continue reading

Alicia Silverstone is showing skin instead of eating it. The long-time vegetarian is appearing au naturel in a new PETA campaign promoting vegetarianism. I have to say, if this is what happens when you eat your veggies, someone pass the broccoli.

The former Clueless star takes it all off in a new TV ad that began airing today in Houston and Dallas (picked because they rank among the least healthy cities in the United States; sorry, Texans) and will expand cross-country later. The spot features a naked Silverstone emerging from a pool and slinking around while extolling the benefits of meat-free living. “There is nothing in the world that has changed me as much as this. I feel so much better and have so much more energy,” she says. “It’s so amazing.”

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One of the things I enjoy most about the AfterEllen.com blog is that, while it may have the occasional variation on a hot 100 theme, the entries tend to focus on more than just pretty faces (or pretty arms, abs, instances of that other "a" word ... you get the point). Writers call out crap when they see it, lists are more fun than prurient, and the blog overall covers less Lindsay, more Lena and Leisha.

However, it's likely safe to say that few of us read absolutely, strictly for "the articles." The pictures are quite a nice bonus, and sometimes they're quite nice period, like these recent shots of indie darling Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Nice doesn't begin to cover it (or her — see the uncropped photos here). But is it really as simple as a sexy smile and some snark?

Of course not, most of us would say, as does Kira Cochrane of The Guardian. It must be body image week for me, because I can't resist posting about her interesting take on the oft-tread, never-resolved topic of sex and sales.

Cochrane starts by examining Nicole Kidman's recent Vanity Fair series ("passionless and perfunctory") alongside the Agent Provocateur Gyllenhaal campaign ("awkward and unhappy"), and then explains that she finds these pics particularly depressing because they involve not just "any" women as sex objects, but "talented" women as sex objects. Apparently it's all right — or at least not surprising — for sentence-winning Paris Hilton, but different for Oscar-winning Kidman. … continue reading

If, for some inexplicable reason, I were tasked with assembling a list of companies whose advertising sexualized adolescents, I know who I would list first: Calvin Klein. Some have argued that past ad campaigns have bordered on child pornography, and I know I've certainly been skeeved-out by them.

I'm not sure who would be second on my list, but I'm pretty certain it would not be Clearasil ... at least not until this week.

Historically, their ads have not exuded sex.

Their past marketing has gotten as racy as this:

… continue reading

But it seems that Clearasil has discarded its wholesome image, along with the pimple creams of yesteryear. Their latest "May cause confidence" campaign is the talk of the news and the blogosphere.

I've been loving every minute of the U.S. Open. (OK, maybe not Serena's pouty press conference, but never mind that for now.) From Marion Bartoli's insanely intricate serve preparation — isn't she kind of adorable, by the way? — to Venus Williams' intense battle with the acrobatic Jelena Jankovic, it's been a great couple of weeks so far.

But this post isn't really about tennis. It's about Tina. Because my favorite part of the U.S. Open broadcasts has been the new American Express commercial featuring Tina Fey. Every time I think I couldn't possibly love her more, she does something like this.

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I spent most of this past Saturday afternoon fighting my way through crowds over at the Minnesota State Fair. For those of you who've never been there, which I'm guessing is many of you, we Minnesotans have a strange fascination with heads sculpted in butter. Each year at the fair, we crown Princess Kay of the Milky Way (yes, that is her official title) to be a spokesperson for the midwest dairy industry. Then at the fair, we stick her in a cooler with a sculptor and an enormous block of butter. Her likeness gets carved and we stand around watching while she freezes her behind off for the sake of dairy. I'm going to guess that by the time she's done, she would prefer the route the milk folks have taken.

Hayden Panettiere certainly didn't mind the photo shoot, though I'm certain a few of you would have volunteered to keep her warm while her butter head was being carved. Here's a short clip with a little behind-the-scenes action from the photo shoot and some comments from Panettiere on the honor of being the next milk face. … continue reading