I have to admit that I've been eagerly awaiting the arrival of Madonna's latest album, Hard Candy, but after downloading it on Tuesday, boy was I disappointed. The reviews have been almost across-the-board positive — or at least thoughtful, referencing Madonna's influence and stature in the pop culture world — but I found myself fast-forwarding through repetitive choruses ("get stupid get stupid get stupid" — argh! — on "Give It 2 Me") and, frankly, not quite getting the album.

Perhaps, as the Houston Chronicle noted: "As a sit-down listen (in the car, through headphones or via a computer), Hard Candy doesn't have the same immediate spark or insightful lyrics as 2005's gorgeous Confessions on a Dance Floor. ... Under the disco ball, however, Hard Candy proves a sparkling after-hours soundtrack."

Maybe my problem is that I've been listening to it while at the office rather than out at a club. If that's the case, it's gonna be a long time before I "get" this album, since my club-going days have dwindled down to, oh, a couple of times a year. I suspect that most of Madonna's die-hard fans also long ago stopped loving the night life (Madonna, after all, is turning 50 this year), and I'm not sure if those longtime fans will get this album, either.

I do like a few songs on the album, including "Dance 2night," which is way more of a disco track than a hip-hop one, and "Miles Away," a melancholy song that sounds like it belongs on Confessions on a Dance Floor. … continue reading

Madonna's on the cover of the May 2008 issue of Vanity Fair.

The article is available in its entirety online. I didn't read it, though. Maybe it's because I got to it at the end of a long day, but my brain simply resisted the first few sentences:

The world is a series of rooms, which are arranged like concentric circles, or rooms within rooms, joined by courtyards and antechambers, and in the room at the center of all those rooms Madonna sits alone, in a white dress, dreaming of Africa.

To reach her, you must wait for a sign. When it comes, if you are pure of heart, you begin to move toward Madonna, and move fast.

Huh? A bit precious for me. Here's a photo from the issue to clear your mind:

This article may be a beautifully written character study, but all I know is, when it comes to Madonna, I'm a purist. I want to see her perform. So here's the video for her latest single, "4 Minutes": … continue reading

Madonna wants to remake Casablanca. Maybe. OK, fine, this is just a fairly unsubstantiated rumor. But still, the mere thought of remaking such a Hollywood classic gives cinephiles everywhere the vapors.

The Daily Mail (so put a whole rim of salt around that margarita of a rumor) claims that Madge is interested in remaking and modernizing the iconic war-time romance. According to the paper, the Material Girl wants to set the story in Iraq and star in the Ingrid Bergman role. Their anonymous source said: “She wants to update the story and maybe set it in a modern war zone such as Iraq. There is no script yet. Madonna and her people are testing the waters to see if this is the right vehicle for her and if a major studio will get behind the project.”

The paper goes on to say that studios have been lukewarm to the idea. Lukewarm? I'm downright icy at the idea. Not that I have anything against Madonna. On the contrary, I love her. But her movies? No so much. Swept Away, anyone? No, I didn't think so. … continue reading

You know that saying you can pick your friends but not your family? Well, what's true for us common folk is true for those folks running for the highest office in the land, too. You see, even presidential candidates like Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama can't escape the curse/blessing of unexpected relatives.

Earlier this week the New England Historic Genealogical Society uncovered distant relatives for all the major presidential contenders. Turns out if you're a Democrat, no matter how you vote, you're voting for the Brangelina Ticket. Those clever genealogists discovered that Obama is related to Brad Pitt and Clinton to Angelina Jolie. Talk about your dream ticket.

On the other side of the aisle, turns out Republican nominee John McCain is related to First Lady Laura Bush. But, yawn, enough about that old codger. Let's act like all the major media outlets and obsess about Hillary and Barack some more. As luck would have it, Brangelina isn't the two Democratic hopefuls' only interesting familial bonds.

Let's start with the senator from Illinois. It was discovered earlier in the campaign that he was cousins with Vice President Dick Cheney, but it appears his roots stretch even higher into the executive branch, or should we say shrub. You see, Obama is related to both Cheney and President George W. Bush.

Poor Barack, he does not seem to be taking this news well. But then, would you? Also on Obama's distant relative list are presidents George H.W. Bush, Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry S. Truman and James Madison as well as British Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill and Civil War General Robert E. Lee.

Over in Camp Clinton, they're singing a happier tune. Besides Angelina, Hillary is related to singers Madonna, Celine Dion and Alanis Morissette. You know, I can see the family resemblance -- these are all strong women who aren't afraid to speak their mind and know what to do with a microphone.

Heck, Hill and daughter Chelsea looks so tickled about this news, you'd think they just won the lottery or -- you know -- the presidency. But then, like I said, wouldn't you?

So, anyone you wish you were related to? Any surprises in your family tree? That is, other than your crazy uncle Wally. … continue reading

It’s that time of year again. Now celebrating its 22nd birthday, the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival will screen at the British Film Institute on London’s South Bank from March 27 to April 10, offering queer-themed shorts, documentaries, and feature films from around the world.

The Chinese Botanist's Daughter

You can view a complete list of the films on offer here. Among the ones reviewed or mentioned by AfterEllen.com are the romantic tragedy The Chinese Botanist’s Daughter (pictured above), the American TV pilot Don’t Go featuring Guinevere Turner, and the Oscar-winning short documentary Freeheld, about the fight of dying lesbian policewoman Laurel Hester to see her pension go to her partner Stacie Andree.

There’s also the Taiwanese romance Spider Lilies, the German drama Vivere, the French coming-of-age film Water Lilies, and the South African period romance The World Unseen.

The World Unseen

There’s the 1996 American documentary It’s Elementary — Talking About Gay Issues in School, and its 2007 follow-up, It’s STILL Elementary — The Movie and the Movement. And there’s the HBO film Life Support, starring Queen Latifah as an HIV-positive charity worker (although unfortunately her character isn’t a lesbian).

A program titled "The Face of Another: Imagining Lesbian Desire" offers a chance to see Naomi Watts and Laura Elena Harring fall in love in Mulholland Dr. It also includes films that explore female relationships but are not so overtly lesbian-themed, like Ingmar Bergman’s Persona and the Madonna–Rosanna Arquette flick Desperately Seeking Susan. … continue reading

Despite the fact that my father refers to them as “chewing-gum for the eyes,” I admit I love watching music videos. A good video can make me like a song I wasn’t that keen on when I heard it on the radio; a really bad one can put me off a song I thought I liked. But they have to be bad indeed in order to get me to switch off altogether.

Despite all that, I’m aware of a pervasive lack in the majority of music videos. Where — amidst all the heterosexual bumping and grinding and declarations of love — are the lesbians? It’s not like there is a lack of successful out lesbian singers. Melissa and k.d. and Tegan and Sara — they’re all out there. But when it comes to being “out there” in their videos — not so much. Possibly under pressure from their record companies, these singers tend to compensate for their openly gay status in life by keeping their songs and videos carefully gender neutral. In the video for their song "Speak Slow," Tegan and Sara even appear in bed with men — although to be fair, it’s made pretty clear that they are friends rather than love interests.

So where does that leave lesbian visibility in music videos? Every so often, a lesbian couple or two will appear briefly in the video of a (presumably) straight singer who wants to demonstrate his or her gay-friendliness. Vanessa Carlton has them in her video for "Hands on Me." Katie Melua has them in her video for "Call Off the Search." Ex-Spice Girl Emma Bunton has one in her video for "I’ll Be There." British singer Tom Baxter has one in his video for "Better." If you’ve ever seen the video for the Nicole Kidman/Robbie Williams duet "Somethin’ Stupid," you’ll know that Nicole has a split-second moment where she looks like she might switch teams. But by and large, that’s what these appearances are: split-second.

Of course, you can always find the occasional straight male singer who uses “lesbian” imagery or suggestiveness in his videos in a clearly voyeuristic way. Fifty Cent’s video for "Candy Shop" springs to mind. As does Robbie Williams’ threesome in "Come Undone." The video for U.K. dance band Ultrabeat’s "Pretty Green Eyes" basically consists of three exotic dancers “performing” lesbianism for the benefit of the fat, ugly male singer who sits and watches them. Justin Timberlake’s video for "What Goes Around ... Comes Around" has guest star Scarlett Johansson exclaiming — with boring predictability as well as without much conviction — “I like girls.”

In the past 25 years, though, there have been a few music videos that not only feature lesbianish relationships prominently, but also do so in a way that makes it feel like they’re not designed (exclusively) for the benefit of straight male viewers. Here are six of my favorites:

1. Prince, "1999" (1983)

What saves the two ambiguously gay women in this video from being just the usual straight male window-dressing is that a) the camera cuts to them repeatedly, b) they are actually involved in the song, with the brunette apparently playing the keyboard and both women singing, and c) neither of them gets involved with men at any point in the video. The fact that Prince is such a sexually ambiguous creature himself helps — I’m willing to believe that he put them in the video as a nod to sexual diversity, and not just to build up his own reputation as a stud. And I’ll admit it — I can’t resist a blonde in a military cap. … continue reading

What is rock 'n' roll? Wait, that question probably requires too much thought for a Monday. Instead, ponder this: is Madonna a rocker?

My first response to the question is, "does it matter?" But since the announcement of Madonna's induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the blogosphere has been rife with complaints that the pop star does not deserve the honor. The controversy is not about her contributions to musical culture, but whether her music actually is rock 'n' roll.

You know, my response still is "does it matter?" Return with me, if you will, to Madonna: The Early Years — 1984, to be exact.

I know much of AfterEllen.com's readership is too young to remember 1984. But trust me, "Like a Virgin" was scandalous. As was Madonna. … continue reading

Sometimes a website comes along that reminds me what the internet is for. That happened this week when a friend sent me a link to Sleeveface.com. The site defines Sleeveface as "one or more persons obscuring or augmenting any part of their body or bodies with record sleeve(s), causing an illusion."

They should have said "causing an illusion and awesomeness." Because it's so, so good. Here are some of my favorites so far (there are still so many I haven't seen!):

Janis Joplin, by MathiasSchweppes

Peaches, by sophiekingo

Tina Turner (Private Dancer), by See Gee

  … continue reading

I keep coming across lists I can't really improve on, so I'm just going to list them. In a list. Of lists. (A few of these are via Pop Candy, which is always a good source for lists and, well, just about everything else.)

1. 10 Star Wars toys that unintentionally look like other celebrities

When I was a kid, I often complained that my Princess Leia action figure just wasn't made right — it kept toppling over. And it annoyed me that her gun was so flimsy and useless, especially compared to Chewbacca's giant over-the-arm weapon. But at least the '70s toy version of Leia didn't look like Christian Bale:

And then there's Mon Mothma and Laura Bush:

The list includes other frighteningly spot-on comparisons, like Han Solo/Josh Brolin and Yak Face/Robert De Niro.

2. 13 movies worth preserving

EW.com readers recently named the films they'd like to add to the National Film Registry. I agree with Raising Arizona and The Women — and with the reader who submitted the latter and said, "I can't believe it's not already there." … continue reading

On February 13, the Berlin Film Festival will premiere Filth & Wisdom, the feature-length directorial debut of the inimitable Madonna. The “low-budget music-based comedy” concerns a young musician (Eugene Hutz of the punk band Gogol Bordello) who moves to London to follow his dreams, only to become swept up in the sexy sexy world of S/M. Perhaps. No one really knows what the film’s about for sure. No matter the plot, here’s hoping she’s better at telling people how to act than she is at ... you know ... doing the acting herself.

OK, so maybe that’s a little harsh. She put in decent performances in both Desperately Seeking Susan (basically playing herself) and A League of Their Own (basically playing herself as a 1940s baseball player). But for every wonderful comic turn she’s done on Saturday Night Live, there’s an is she really pouring candle wax on a bare-chested Willem Dafoe agggh I need to go bleach my eyes turn in something like 1993’s Body of Evidence.

Don’t get me wrong — I loves me some Madonna. No, really — I loves me some Madonna, and I only care a little bit that admitting it might make me uncool. She’s been around so long that I can barely remember life before Madonna; it just so happens that I feel the same way about Darth Vader— make of that what you will.

I distinctly remember the first time I ever saw Madonna. I was spending the night at my grandma’s, and she let me watch the very first MTV Video Music Awards — yes, this was way back in 1984. Madonna performed “Like A Virgin” — and of course, by “performing,” I mean “she rolled around on the stage in a trashy bridal dress,” but to my young, impressionable eyes she was a revelation. Girls weren’t supposed to act like that, after all, and I was instantly hooked. … continue reading

One of my childhood memories is a time at my cousin's 12th birthday party when I thoughtfully said, "Twelve is such a ripe old age." I don't know what led to that pronouncement, but I remember it often, even several multiples of 12 later. Age is like that. Each milestone seems far away, then one day you realize that a lot of them are behind you. It's not a bad thing — older really is better — it's just surprising. A few weeks ago, one of America's favorite children reached one of those milestones when Caroline Kennedy turned 50.

Kennedy certainly has accomplished a lot in her adulthood, but to many of us, she always will be JFK's little girl. And "Sweet Caroline." … continue reading

I am way too old to watch the MTV Video Music Awards. I couldn’t pick a good chunk of the nominees out of a lineup. I don’t own any of the performers or presenters’ CDs (though I have downloaded a song or two, legally — because I am old). Yet, still, I plan to watch this Sunday. Why? Why put myself through the ordeal of watching something so clearly not aimed at my demographic, tastes or sensibilities? Why grate my teeth to a nub at the nominated songs and their accompanying bad grammar? ("The Way I Are"? I Are? Ahhhhh!) Well, it’s simple and terribly shameful. I’m going to watch the VMAs for Britney Spears.

Now, before you come after me with barber shears and a bag of Cheetos, let me explain. Sure, Britney isn’t much of a singer. Sure, she isn’t much of a scholar. And, clearly, she isn’t any kind of a role model. But there is one thing you can always count on from ol’ Brit: pure, unadulterated, unintellectualized spectacle. For good or bad, the girl knows how to create a scene. And some of her best stunts have come at the VMAs. Things like — oh, I don’t know — this.

Or this. … continue reading

Last month, Blender published 100 Days That Changed Music, or, in their own humble words, a list of "the most earth–shakingly important days in music, ever."

Assuming they really mean "in Western pop music" (since there is no mention of Mozart or Miriam Makeba), some of the choices are obvious — the Beatles on Ed Sullivan (#1); some are insightful — the birth of free–form FM radio on San Francisco's KMPX (#39); and some are amusing — Prince poses in black undies (#14). Most of them are markedly lacking in any awareness of or respect for the contributions of women. Instead, we get Janet Jackson's "Nipplegate" (#94), Tiffany at the mall (#57), and Madonna on a wedding cake (#19).

In other words, the "era of decency," mall marketing, and a garter belt. Britney is the only other solo female artist to get a nod, but the #13 entry is about her break-up with JT and consists of a litany of his subsequent successes and her subsequent failures and embarrassments, primarily personal rather than musical.

A few bands with women make the list (Starship, ABBA), but the Velvet Underground nod fails to mention that December 11, 1965 wasn't their first show, but their first with drummer Maureen Tucker, and the Ronettes entry is actually about Phil Spector rather than the original girl group or Ronnie Spector's fantastic voice.

Basically, Blender's got respect for Muzak, Jägermeister and Kiss's makeup, but not for Billie, Bonnie or even Beyonce. I'm no music historian, but there have got to be some key moments missing. Here are a few that I would consider for inclusion, in chronological order: … continue reading