Take Back the Knife: Women You Love in Movies You Don’t

 
 

Clementine Ford
and Brittany Murphy,
Cherry Falls (2000)

I feel a bit weird putting Cherry Falls on this list because it’s actually a pretty good movie; it just never found its audience. Or audiences never found it, or … oh, you know what I’m saying. A slasher movie that’s also a satirical take on the genre, Cherry Falls flips the “virgins die last” convention on its head as a killer targets the sexually inexperienced, causing the town’s teenagers to rush losing their virginity in the hopes of staying alive.

A young Clementine Ford shows up just long enough to be a victim, but it’s Brittany Murphy who’s at the center of the film as the sheriff’s daughter/final girl. In related news, I’ll never stop being bummed that there won’t be any more new Brittany Murphy movies.

Anna Faris,
Lovers Lane (1999)

I can’t tell if Lovers Lane is a cruddy slasher movie or a mediocre attempt at making fun of cruddy slasher movies. Irony is such a harsh mistress! Regardless, the film features bad wigs, a decapitated dog’s head that’s so fake, it looks like a cake, and the highlight of it all, Anna Faris as a cheerleader who defends herself from the killer by wielding four knives at once. Now that I write all that and think about it, I don’t care whether or not Lovers Lane knows it’s terrible — it’s kind of the best movie ever!

So there you go, lots of crappy horror movies you can sit through just to get a glimpse of actresses you love. Consider this a “proceed at your own risk” warning when I say, “Proceed at your own risk!”

In addition to writing and directing horror films, Stacie Ponder writes about them for Rue Morgue Magazine, AMC TV.com, and her own beloved site, Final Girl. In her spare time, Stacie enjoys a good laugh and looking at kittens.

And good news, Ponder fans! Stacie’s feature horror film Ludlow is now available on DVD. Click
here
for more
info!

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