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The most Pennsatucky smile-worthy Season 2 moments from “Orange is the New Black”

Orange is the New Black‘s second season was considerably darker in tone than the first. Slocking, a true villainess, death, heartbreak; was all packed into 13 compelling episodes. However, Orange wouldn’t be Orange without the outrageous and hilarious moments that counterbalance the heavier ones. The show is full of brilliant comedic actresses who take the already wonderful writing and make it sing. We wanted to highlight some of the funniest moments in Season 2, and rate them by how much they made us smile like Pennsatucky with her new set of teeth.

Celebrity, bitch: Taystee and Poussey are an unbeatable team when it comes to playing “Celebrity.” Maybe it’s their close friendship, or their similar senses of humor. Either way, they dominate in the most hilarious ways. So how does one win at “Celebrity”?

Taystee: Chick whose husband died reeeeal young. Poussey: The white Michelle Williams!

Career day wardrobe malfunctions: When Dress for Success came to Litchfield to hold a career training session, the women were jazzed. Not so exciting? The wardrobe selections they had to choose from? Potato sacks, peach nightmares, and stinky jackets. At least Sophia got to rock a cocktail dress.

Sophia: I’m just showing off my assets.

The Snatch Sisters: Nicky attempts to have a come to Jesus moment with Piper when she returns from Chicago. However, Nicky can’t resist getting in a few digs about making it with Alex.

Piper: Can we not talk about my ex-girlfriend’s vagina?

Flacca and Maritza explain love: What is love like, do you ask? On Valentine’s Day, the women all have something to say about the subject. Flacca and Maritza have a very specific vision.

Flacca: It’s like getting into a bathtub but the water is like warm, chocolate pudding. And The Smiths are playing “There’s a Light That Never Goes Out.” There’s warm lighting all over and there are like five dudes massaging you. Maritza: And you have a pizza. Flacca: She’s right. And you also have a pizza.

Blacky Cindy’s Airport joyride: During Black Cindy’s flashback episode, we find out that she was a TSA agent before she landed in prison. Watching Cindy abuse her authority and terrorize passengers with such glee, especially while cruising through the airport on a motorized cart, did bring a smile to our faces.

Post-sex punch job: After the best sex of Piper’s life, she has the misfortune of getting socked in the nose by Alex’s jealous girlfriend. While the violence itself isn’t particularly funny, the post-punch/sex awkward conversation between Piper and Alex is. Alex is still pining and flirting while Piper tries to gather her dignity and her clothes and get the hell out. When Alex tries complimenting Piper’s shoes (of which she can only find one) Piper has the last word.

Piper: They’re from Marshalls. Fuck you.

Nicky’s imitation of Alex: Piper shows Nicky an unread letter from Alex, one of many she’s received, but can’t bear to throw this one away. Alex’s hold on Piper is still strong, so Nicky tries to lighten the mood by imagining what the letter says.

Nicky: (holds out her shirt to mimic Alex’s breasts, lowers voice) Hey girl. Sorry I fucked you over in Chicago. It was for your own good. Let me…lick your pussy. Piper: Probably.

Piper’s revenge: Nothing says, “Thanks for fucking my ex-fiancĂ© while I’m in prison” like a flaming bag of poo. At least Polly took it like a champ.

Polly: I deserved that.

Breaking the hunger strike: When Soso organized a hunger strike, Leanne and Angie joined in but mainly because they were bored and wanted to fight for their right to imitation maple syrup. When the guards brought in pizza to test their will, Leanne and Angie’s resolve faded instantly. Angie licked a slice or two, claiming that it didn’t count.

CO Ford: Little Caesars, it’s the only thing better than getting what you want.
That should be their new slogan.

Red’s crew and the botched assassination: When one of Red’s pals went off and shanked the wrong person, she unintentionally incited war between Vee’s gang and Red’s. Even though it was no laughing matter, Red still uses her razor sharp wit to explain the ridiculousness of the situation.

Red: You want to assassinate someone? Vision is a basic requirement! Step one: Pick a person to kill. Step two: Kill that person!

Big Boo’s Gay agenda: Feeling alienated from her former crew, Pennsatucky seeks out an unlikely friendship with Big Boo. During the blackout, Pennsatucky inquires about The Gay Agenda. Big Boo runs with it.

Big Boo: First of all, keep your voice down. This shit is top secret. Pennsatucky: Are you going to let all the men die out? Boo: Fuck no, we need slaves. Bookkeeping, janitorial, fetch and carry, that kind of shit. Pennsatucky: What about for sex, coz I know I like how they smell kind of funky and they’re big and they have dicks and all that. Boo: Maybe, but when you’re done you gotta toss ’em away like trash. I mean the whole point of this is chicks digging each other and being in charge. Pennsatucky: Let’s say I want to join, right. Boo: OK let’s say that. Pennsatucky: (whispers) Would I have to do anything disgusting against the word of God? You know, I’m talking about eating pussy if you catch my drift. Boo: Yeah, I hear you. And that is a big part of it, I’m not going to lie. But since you have these religious convictions, eh, we can probably give you an exemption. I mean we’re not unreasonable. Pennsatucky: Really? That would be great. Boo: Of course you’re still going to have to go through the initiation. Pennsatucky: Yeah, I figured.

Anatomy Lesson: Thank god for Sophia. Otherwise a whole (hole) lot of women at Litchfield would go on thinking “pee comes out the big hole.” Orange manages to turn an all too common situation (women’s lack understanding their own anatomy) into a very humorous educational lesson for all. O’Neill even learned a thing or two. Or 10.

Sophia: Now ladies, I want each and every one of you to go back to your bunks tonight, and get to know your own cha chas. Black Cindy: No fucking way. (proudly) I got a mons pubis!

O’Neill and the nuns: When you’ve grown up in going to Catholic schools, the mere sight of a nun can bring about heart palpitations. Poor O’Neill, clearly traumatized from his days as a schoolboy, is forced to watch over a protest in Sister Ingalls honor. He spends his time railing against the sisterhood, even writing a little ditty on his banjo-lele in their honor.

O’Neill (To the tune of “She’ll Be Coming Round the Mountain”): This is a little song about the nuns. Fearsome, mean, even crueler than the Huns. I am forced to babysit them, when I thought that I had quit them. Oh I kinda hope that they all get the runs.

Processing as McKenzie and Amanda: After a tense few weeks, Taystee and Poussey begin to repair the friendship that Vee tried to destroy. Taystee doesn’t want to talk about her feelings, but Poussey’s lesbian is showing and she’s in need of some processing. Taystee whips out her alter ego Mackenzie to do the talking for her.

Taystee: I have an appointment to see my guru to get a Matrasoon, so I’ll start right after that but before I get my lips injected with ass-fat so that we can really talk.

What moments made you smile this season?

Huge thank you to the fantastic Jenna Lykes, my awesome partner for this piece. Follow her on Twitter @jennalykes

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