Kimmie has to give a huge presentation to the big boss of her firm. It’s also Cookie Prom, an annual holiday celebrated with Marika and Helen-Alice to commemorate their terrible prom experience in high school. (Marika had bad bangs, barrettes and braces. Helen-Alice did not enjoy slow dancing.) So they went to the grocery store and grabbed all of the cookies they could find and raged until they passed out. “Traditions don’t die!” Kimmie says, which means I’m worried it’s totally going to die and it’s going to be on this episode.
Marika wakes Kimmie up in the morning because she’s so psyched about Cookie Prom. Kimmie’s alarm didn’t go off so it’s a good thing Marika was so thrilled about baked goods.
At the office a rude coworker makes a fat joke about Kimmie and Richard scolds him, saying, “Hey, wildly inappropriate and she’ll be here on time. Maybe a bit late.” She runs into a janitor and a Bridesmaids co-star in the elevator, so she’s actually going to be a lot late.
Bob Saget, aka Big Boss, comes in and asks “Who are we waiting for?” as Kendall tries to flatter him and introduce herself. Just then Kimmie takes a crash and burn on a mail cart. Then she begs Bob Saget not to fire her but he likes her report enough to keep her around. “You lack confidence, Kimmie,” he tells her. He tries to illustrate how much better he is than her and tells her to act more professional. She takes notes with a frilly green pen in her unicorn journal and explains she has a baby tooth in the roof of her mouth “that burns when I eat ice cream.” Bob Saget gives her sage advice: “Remove it.”
Kendall is in the hallway with the rude fat-shaming coworker where she overhears Bob Saget accepting an invitation from Kimmie. The invite was him to meet the new grown-up Kimmie Bouvier, but Kendall mistakes it for a cocktail party Kimmie is clearly throwing and not inviting her to. She won’t ask Kimmie for an invite, though (“that’s desperate”). She has to somehow weasel her way there. It must suck to hate yourself so much.
At home Helen-Alice and Marika are making cookie lists, where Marika is making decisions like no animal crackers. (OMG, remember the frosted ones? I was big into those in preschool.) Kimmie comes home to throw shade on Cookie Prom, aka her friends. “She doesn’t want to help us with Cookie Prom stuff?” Marika says. Helen-Alice says she’s sure it’s just work stress.
(Side note: I want to write “Cookie Party” every time I’m supposed to write “Cookie Prom.” Bring back The Sarah Silverman Show!)
In her room Kimmie tries on glasses for a professional look. Then a hat, a pipe, an amazing line from Silence of the Lambs. (“Would you promote me? I’d promote me.”) She uses the glasses and a hairbun for the next morning, Marika announcing, “Whoa, someone’s going to the DMV!” (I hope I never look like I’m going to the DMV.) Kimmie asks that her friends call her Kimberly. “Way profesh! I feel like I’m talking to online tech support right now,” Marika says.
Richard tells Kimmie he loves her new look and she announces her new name. Richard tries out a few different “Richie” archetypes and Kimmie giggles haughtily and shows off her new moleskin notebook. Her unicorn journal has been presented to someone else who will enjoy it more.
Kendall stops by to see “Kimberly” and invites her to lunch at the Noho House (“I’m a member,” Kendall brags.) Kimmie tries to hide her enthusiasm but she is thrilled. Unfortunately she has Cookie Prom planning plans, so she says “Maybe I can move some things around.” Then she moves a stapler and roll of tape on her desk. “Done. Let’s go!”
Helen-Alice and Marika are home alone, again, worrying about Kimmie leaving them behind. (A theme on most every episode, yes?) Helen-Alice has an idea: “Let’s go down there right now and remind Kimmie why this night is so important to us.” Marika is totally down.