Not too long ago, I went out with a bunch of friends and tied one on. As I wasn’t saddled with designated driver duties, I really tied one on, imbibing enough vodka crannies to keep an Ocean Spray shareholder happy. Believe me, I’m not trying to be cool here – I’m just setting the scene, putting you
right in the heart of the action!
Around 2 a.m., we made our way to a Trendy Hollywood Eatery for a bite. We all settled in and placed our orders, and I was inordinately excited about the omelette that would soon be mine, all mine! Glancing over at the large party to my left, I spotted actress Mena Suvari having some late-night (or is that early-morning?) chow as well. I immediately whispered to all my friends, “Omigodyouguysh look look looklooklook no don’t look! I think tha’sh Mena Shuvari aaahhh she can shoooooo effing rock that buzzhcut!” Of course, my tongue felt as large as a Nerf football and I’m sure I was “whispering” a bit too loudly. But no matter! Have you seen the buzz cut? I mean, come on. At any rate, my food arrived just in time to create a much-needed diversion, and my friends all assure me that I only embarrassed myself a bit that evening by going on and on…and on about how my eggs were the most awesome eggs in the history of ever. The point of all this is that had I been aware of the movie Stuck during this near encounter, I don’t think even the mighty power of eggs could have prevented me from … well, from making a complete fool of myself. Stuck, you see, has Mena teaming up with veteran horror director Stuart Gordon, the man behind genre classics such as Re-Animator and From Beyond, to tell the fictionalized tale of Chante Jawan Mallard.
While her name might not ring a bell, her story surely might: whilst driving drunk one fall evening in Texas in 2001, Mallard hit a homeless man. The man, Gregory Biggs, went through Mallard’s windshield, and instead of … you know, helping the poor man, Mallard drove home, parked in her garage, and left Biggs there to die.
While this doesn’t sound as if it adds up to the “feel-good hit of the summer,” Stuck is sure to be full of enough Stuart Gordon goodness (read: ample shocks and a healthy dose of black humor) to, at the least, intrigue audiences. As if that weren’t enough to get me in a Cineplex seat, there’s always Mena Suvari in what’s being hailed as a star-making turn. Twitch Film recently ran a telling interview with Suvari, Gordon, and screenwriter John Strysik about the movie, for which they’re anticipating a spring release. What does it take to bring a story like this to the screen, and how do the filmmakers render such a horrible tale palatable? Says Strysik,
“The key is in making it realistic. Mena and (co-star) Stephen Rea just brought this fantastic drama with them in making these real characters. You really feel for both of them, I think, and that’s really what happened with the real woman.”According to the article, some of Mena’s next projects include the Day of the Dead remake (coming to DVD this spring) and perhaps another team-up with Stuart Gordon. To save myself and all my friends from certain death by embarrassment, perhaps it’s best if I avoid that particular Trendy Hollywood Eatery after a night of vodka crannies. I can see it now: “Shoooo, you werrrr in that Shtuart Gordon movie and are you gonna be a zzzhombie in Day of the … you know, I like your hair. You shore can rock that buzzzhhh …”
