Stephen Colbert’s Greatest Gay Hits

 
 

The Word: Black Sheep
Jan. 31, 2007

Stephen rails against a study showing that 8 percent of rams prefer sex with other rams than with ewes. (“We’re here. We’re sheared. Get used to it.”)

After all, just because sheep do it doesn’t mean it’s natural. After all, sheep are domesticated. “Plus if Brokeback Mountain is any indication, shepherds aren’t exactly the best role models for young, impressionable lambs.”

In protest of these “homosheepsuals” Stephen pledges to go home that same night and burn everything he owns that is made of wool.


The Word: Pathophysiology
June 13, 2007

Stephen is very disappointed in the progress made in stopping the gay agenda: “The gays continue to threaten my happy marriage by threatening to have their own happy marriages.”

He thinks it’s time to stop treating gayness as a social problem, but a medical problem (“side effects may include continuing to be gay”), as proposed by then-President Bush‘s nominee for Surgeon General, Dr. James Holsinger, author of “The Pathophysiology of Male Homosexuality,” which he wrote for one the nation’s preeminent medical institutions, the Methodist Church.


Richard Florida: The Bohemian-Gay Index
July 16, 2007

The author of The Creative Class comes on the show to explain why living next to gay people will make your property values rise. It’s a little nostalgic trip to back before we fully grasped we were seeing the total death of the housing market and collapse of the world economy.

“I guess what this study shows is that people want a house with a view of a goateed beatnik who plays his bongos while he smokes a clove cigarette while working on a sculpture of kd lang,” Colbert says. “The theory is, tolerant communities where homosexuals are likely to reside nurture an open-minded culture of creativity, which can lead to innovations like Google, or YouTube, or ShirtlessHunksBaggingGroceries.com, which will exist in…” He looks at his watch. “Now.”

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