“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episodes 3.1 & 3.2 “The Valley of the Shadows”


Retail therapy — Resourceful girl that she is, Ashley has transferred Spencer’s ticket to Cabo over to Kyla. Which is kind of like taking your old granny to Burning Man, but it beats going there alone.

She’s also trying to spend her whole inheritance today. She rattles off a list of all the different outfits they’ll be needing for their two-day stay in Cabo, then suggests that they go drop $1,000 on sushi.

Kyla is appalled. She asks Ashley why they don’t just fly to Tokyo for lunch. Ashley thinks it’s a great idea, and says so as she loads her fresh purchases into a limousine. What happened to her flashy convertible from last season? It must have clashed with her new hat.

Don’t kiss, don’t tell — Glen and Arthur go to the Army recruiting office to have a little talk with The Count. And a little liplock. Glen grabs The Count and plants a big juicy kiss on his lips.

Glen: I just couldn’t stay in the closet anymore. I know the whole thing about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
The Count:
I know you’re not gay.
Yeah I am.
The Count: I just saw you checking out Sgt. Lindsey over there.

Cut to a cute girl in fatigues, sitting at a desk nearby.

Arthur reveals that Glen signed up for Army when he was underage, and he did so without his or Paula’s consent. Glen used his fake ID to enlist, and The Count quickly confiscates it and sends them packing.

Too bad. A crew cut would have looked pretty funny on that curly mop of his.

Sweet dreams aren’t made of this — It’s late, and Spencer is in bed talking on the phone to Ashley, who is across town in her own bed.

Ash assures Spencer that just because she’s leaving King High doesn’t mean she’s going away. She’s simply embarking on a new chapter of her life. Spencer likens it to a Choose Your Own Adventure book, but reminds Ashley: "Life doesn’t work that way. Everything moves forward; nothing moves backward."

In other words: I’m not getting back together with you.

Ashley sighs with disappointment, then wishes Spencer a good night.

Then she rolls over and gazes at Aiden who is fast asleep next to her in the bed.

I guess Ashley doesn’t do breakups well, either.

Next week on South of Nowhere — Aiden calls Ashley out, someone throws Spencer up against a wall (no, not in a good way), and Spencer chooses her own adventure when she kisses a brand new girl.

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