“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episodes 2.11 & 2.12


Girls Bathroom—Madison is up to her old tricks, pounding the wall while standing in the long bathroom line and shouting, “Hurry up! Other girls want to purge too!”

When the stall door opens, Spencer and Ashley emerge together. Madison shouts at them, “Wash your hands!”—offering a rare bit of sexual innuendo for the unreasonably wholesome duo. Thanks for throwing us a bone, Madison!

Ash and Madison exchange a few more barbs before Madison expresses some envy that they have romantic dates and not just escorts (Glen). Ash reminds her that they “took a lot of crap from a lot of people, including you” when they first got together. Madison actually apologizes for being homophobic, then disappears into the stall. Ash is stunned. She tells Spencer, “Let’s get out of here before the hellmouth opens.” (The Buffy reference makes me miss Tara and Willow. Or even Willow and Kennedy. Remember when they finally hooked up?)

Later, Ash asks Aiden for a dance and, a fate would have it, a slow song comes on. The two intertwine and Ashley finally looks like she’s on a date. Ash immediately starts reminiscing about their good old days and Aiden tells her to knock it off.

Aiden: Don’t you know how hard it is to not be with you? I can’t do this with Kyla.
Ashley: Yes you can. We love each other, Aiden, just not like that.
Aiden: I do. I will walk away from this—from you—if you can honestly tell me that you don’t love me. That you’re not in love with me.

Before Ash can respond, Spencer joins them and asks Ash to dance with her. But Ash and Aiden just stand there gazing at each other, and Spencer finally catches on.

Spencer: What’s wrong?
Aiden: Spencer, I’m sorry. I know you told me to back off.
Ashley: You did what? You had no right to do that.

The girls (Ash and Spencer, not Ash and Aiden) rush away. Ash tries to chase Spencer down, but Spencer is having a thermonuclear meltdown that is giving her enhanced jet action powers. Aiden catches up to them and stupidly tries to get Spencer to understand why he’s making a play for her girlfriend.

Aiden: Spencer, I’m sorry! If I could be with Kyla I would, but I just can’t.
Spencer: (crying) You already had your chance with Ashley!
Aiden: It doesn’t work that way! You can’t just cut off who you love.

Spencer registers that last comment as a sucker punch to the gut, then looks to Ashley for confirmation.

Spencer: Who you love?!
Ashley: Okay, just stop it! Both of you! I decide who I love.
Spencer: (screaming hysterically) Then just decide!

Cue the opera music as the "Northridge Boys" approach in a car loaded with guns and open fire on the crowd as they are leaving prom. Everyone falls to the ground – hit by bullets or taking cover.

Later, the police come with their yellow tape, and a body in a bag is carted out on a stretcher.

At the Carlin home, the phone rings off the hook, and season two officially draws to an end.

Okay, that was officially the Worst. Prom. Ever.

And it doesn’t leave me feeling too hopeful about next season. Are Ash and Aiden really going to get back together? And if they do, does this mean Spencer will get a new girlfriend, you know, one who actually acts like her girlfriend? And what if her name doesn’t blend well with the name Spencer? Like what if we have to call the new couple “Sparol” (Spencer and Carol) or “Spelizabeth” (Spencer and Elizabeth) or “Spoken” (Spencer and Kristanna Loken).

There are a lot of factors to consider.

Luckily, we have youtube and fan fiction with which we can all busy ourselves until the show returns for a third season. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to pray for queer love to emerge victorious in the next SON go-round. It can’t hurt, right?

In the meantime, if you find secretly find yourself having Paula-withdrawl (aka Maeve Quinlan-itis), you’re in luck. Check out Episode 10 (“The Sex Issue”—airing March 7) of the new F/X series Dirt. When she guest stars on the show, you’ll see a side of “Paula” that you’ve never seen before–except for in your fantasies, you nasty vixens!

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