“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episodes 2.11 & 2.12

Carlin Compound—The Good Clean Fun Gang are all getting ready for prom together. Glen offers Clay a condom – a little too late – and Arthur inexplicably begs Glen to wear a kilt to prom.

Spencer makes a big entrance in her pretty prom dress, and Ash greats her with a half-hearted, “Wow.”

After a brief photo opportunity in the living room, the gaggle of kids clear out and Paula and Arthur gear up for some grown-up fun.

King High Prom—We see the different couples lining up for their photos, and it’s weird that while everyone else does those dorky couple poses that the cheesy rent-a-photographer makes you do, Spence and Ash just strike a goofy, no-body-contact pose that makes them look like teen spinsters who accompanied one another to the prom out of utter necessity.

Even Glen waggling his kilt (yeah, he wore it) in Madison ‘s general direction looks like a bigger come-on than anything our young lesbian lovers are doing.

That nonsense continues on the dance floor, where the other couples dance romantically while Spencer and Ashley goof-dance and mug at each other like 12 year olds.

Can these two get please just get some couples counseling or go away for the weekend to re-kindle their flame? I know it’s bad if Kyla and Aiden are looking like the hottest couple in the room to me.

Ash presents Spencer with the newly engraved bracelet that she first showed her in the bathroom at school after their big fight over Aiden. Spencer is properly moved by the gesture, so much so that she gives Ash a quick peck on the lips before resuming their goofy dosey-do routine.

Across the way, Aiden is doing some pretty silly straight guy dancing with Kyla, but at least we know that at the end of the night, he’s still gonna get laid and not sit around braiding Kyla’s hair. But the question is, who will Aiden be taking home at the end of the night? He’s making eyes at Ashley on the dance floor. Ashley is giving it right back to him, and right under Spencer’s nose.

Kyla tells him that she’s gotten them a hotel room and that this time it’s her choice when it comes to having sex. Aiden agrees to let her do whatever she wants and they share a romantic kiss. Because it’s the prom, and they’re a couple, and that’s what couples do at the prom, right? Well, it’s what the straight ones do, anyway.

Madison is all cleaned up and restored to her former glory, and her wit is in good form again too. Her former minion comes over to insult her and Madison effortlessly slams her (“Aren’t you supposed to be passed out in the backseat of the quarterback’s car?”) and sends her away.

Later, Glen catches up with Sean and Clay and they’re weird friend who’s been fighting with the gang members. Glen tells them that he’s joined the Army and will soon be headed out for boot camp. He doesn’t get the rousing response he was looking for, so he tries to sell it to them they way it was sold to him. “I finally found a way to pay for college!” Sean says the obvious (and that’s why we love him), “Assuming you’re still alive!” and Glen is genuinely shocked that they are treating him like he’s made a bonehead decision.

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