“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episodes 2.11 & 2.12

Aiden’s Locker—Ashley confronts her other girlfriend (Aiden) about their lack of quality time together. She wants to know why he’s avoiding her and being generally unavailable. He denies it at first, then tells her “You don’t get to have whatever you want, Ashley… You have Spencer, why don’t you lean on her?”

Ash asks him what he means, but she knows perfectly well what he means. Aiden manhandles her a little and says, “I’m not your boyfriend anymore” before stopping to give her googly eyes and play with her hair.

Unfortunately, his timing sucks. Spencer sees it all happen, and she looks like she’s about to turn into The Incredible Hulk. She storms away (without uprooting any trees or throwing any cars around) and Ashley runs after her.

Spencer refuses to engage her, saying “Get away from me! I have nothing to say to you.”

Ash lamely declares “Nothing happened” but Spencer won’t bite, She slaps back with, “I know what I saw, and it’s what I thought all along. Don’t treat me like I’m stupid.”

Ashley: I don’t think you’re stupid. I love you!
Spencer: You’re not allowed to say that to me right now.
Ashley: Where are you going?
Spencer: Wherever you aren’t!

Running On Empty—Aiden and Glen are out for a jog, and Aiden has just spilled his guts about all of the dyke drama in which he is currently embroiled.

Glen laughs and says, “Dude, you’re the other woman!”

I hate it when Glen’s right!

Glen adds, “Can you even imagine what it would be like to be a girl, dating another girl? All the crying and the chick flicks—I think I’d die!”

Seriously, I really hate it when Glen’s right.

Carlin’s Abode—Glen and Aiden return back to Glen’s place, where Paula is in full tilt MILF mode. She’s freshly showered and hanging out in a powder blue bathrobe. And she’s a little too happy to see Aiden. She asks him to stay for dinner, but when he finds out that this will mean breaking bread with the angry lesbian whose girlfriend he’s been macking on, he declines and makes a break for it. Paula calls after him, “Soon though!”

Through Aiden’s Looking Glass—Aiden is having a nightmare, and we’re all invited.

In the dream, he’s awakened by Kyla’s advances, then follows the sound of a baby crying—his baby, that is. Ashley is holds a baby girl and tells him, “She’s missed her daddy.” Then Madison shows up in a wedding gown to drag him down the aisle. When he backs away she goes completely cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Even worse, Spencer makes a guest appearance—apparently having just returned from the same “spa” that gave Madison greasy hair and eye bags. Quite simply, Spencer looks terrifying. She bellows at Aiden, “Do you know how much I lost to be with Ashley?” then she turns on her heel and runs up to her bedroom. Aiden pursues her up the stairs at her house, only to find Paula stretched out in bed with a box of pizza. She picks up a slice and says in sultry voice, “Oh hey Aiden. You’re just in time for pizza.”

Holy Mrs. Robinson, Batman!

And that’s when Aiden wakes up in a cold sweat.

King High—Ashley watches as Paula drops off Spencer, Clay, and Glen at school. Spence sees Ashley, but makes a point of blowing her off. Ashley follows her anyway, and Aiden follows the whole group of them. Paula sees him and honks the horn and waves as she’s driving away. Aiden gamely waves back, but a look of pure terror washes over his face.

Sean and Glen are hanging out talking about Glen’s future life as uncle to Clay’s child. Their little heart to heart is interrupted by a gang fight, and the guys rush over to come to the aid of their friend and have a good old-fashioned brawl. After they chase the gang bangers away, Glen looks positively invigorated by the actual combat.

Across the way, Kyla is getting all sexy with Aiden, and asks him if they can see each other that night. Because he’s smart, he says “yes” and if the big juicy kiss she lays on him is any indication, “yes” was definitely the correct answer.

Madison watches their little exchange with a glazed over look on her face. It does not compute.

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