South of Nowhere: Recaps: Episode 2.9 “Love and War and Love and War”

Madison quickly runs into her next victim, Arthur, who forgot to leave his L.C.S.W. hat at the office. She fakes some blubbering about her tough teenage life, he tries to comfort her and she wastes him.

You didn't really think Arthur was gonna walk out of this game, did you?

Across the way, Kyla finds Aiden, greets him with a “Hey there, pal,” plants a big wet one on him and then shoots him in the heart. She teases, “With enemies like this, who needs friends?” just before Ashley sneaks up behind her and says, “Say hi to Daddy for me” and smokes her.

Um, that was…weird. Well, I guess Ash is done with that whole grief thing.

Moving on…

Paula stumbles across Madison, sitting down with her back turned, complaining about an injured leg. (Damn! I was really hoping she might try the seductress ploy on one of the other women.) But Paula doesn't buy it, and she splatters Madison before she can even draw her gun—which is exactly what Ashley does to Paula just a few seconds later.

Ashley taunts Paula with, “You should have killed me when you had the chance” a dangerous thing to say to woman who has probably held more than one human heart in her hand. We break for commercial before we find out whether either Ashley or Spencer decides to take the other out. They're on different squadrons, remember?

King High—Madison is bucking for a Section 8. She shows up at school the next day, still in her cheerleading uniform (!) and strips the paint covered green monstrosity off of her body in front of all the other cheerbitches. Yep, she's turning her uniform in alright, and I guess she'll be spending the rest of the day in her skivvies. Spence and Ash watch in shock as she walks away in her undies. Either that or they're checking out her cheer-toned ass.

Carlin Home—Paula opens the door to find Ash asking for Spencer. Spencer isn't there, but Ash asks if she can come in to wait for her anyway. Paula hesitates before inviting her in. Which is a good thing, because it's clear that Ash has an agenda.

Ashley: Mrs. C?

(OMG—she is so Fonzie right now!)

Ashley: I think it's great that you're trying to understand Spencer and all right now. It's really important to her. But I feel like you're just tolerating me.
Paula: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Ashley: I believe you. You have no idea what Spencer and I are going through right now.
Paula: What you're going through is not what Spencer's going through. Spencer's not like you, Ashley.
Ashley: I know I'm not the one you want her to be with, but I'm the one she chose.
Paula: We'll see who she chooses. I guess the battle lines are drawn.
Ashley: Guess they are.

Paula walks away with an evil smile on her face, and Ashley glares at her with pure rage. This is old school, Melrose Place-style warfare, and I like it!

Next week—Spencer and Ashley share a quick peck on the lips! Each other's lips! And then that pesky romantic video of Aiden and Ashley resurfaces. A naughty home video may have boosted Screech's stock, but I don't think Ashley is going to fare nearly as well.

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