King Highâ€”Clay is telling Sean just how bad things really are. â€œMy brother's kicking a drug habit, my mom's freaking out after walking in on my sister and her girlfriend, and Chelsea'sâ€¦â€ he stalls but eventually spills the beans about her pregnancy.
Sean gives him a â€œDidn't I teach you any better than that?â€ look and tries not to give Clay a desperately-needed refresher course on condoms.
Glen's Requiem for a Dreamâ€”High schoolers scatter away from Glen as he stumbles through the halls like Ellen Burstyn running from her refrigerator. When he gets to his lockers, he finds a lone pill, considers taking it, and then stomps it to dust on the sidewalk. ($10 bucks says he'll be back again later with a straw to get it).
Ashley calls Spencer, whose cel phone is encased in Mother Superior's web. As the phone rings and rings, Paula surfs the internet for some religious zealot pornâ€”i.e. a website for an organization that promises to de-gay people. It's called, â€œPure Restoration, Inc.â€ and they promise to â€œbring families back together.â€ The front page warns, â€œDon't take â€˜I'm gay' for an answer.â€ (Funny, my dating philosophy has always been â€œDon't take â€˜I'm not gay' for an answerâ€, but then how often does that lead to a happy ending?)
Upstairs in the land of the sane, Spencer is un-ironically sitting in her very stylish closet when her sensitive dad comes to find her. She tells him, â€œI wanted to tell you. I was going to. It just wasn't supposed to happen like this.â€
Poor Spence asks her dad if he hates her.
Arthur: No, of course I don't hate you. I love you. And I'll never stop. Ever.
Not even when you shave your head, get that piercing, and declare a Women's Studies major.
Spencer: Mom's already stopped.
Arthur: No she hasn't. Your mom is just afraid. We'll get through this, I promise.
Spencer: What if we don't?
Arthur: That's not an option.
She rests her head on his shoulder and we zoom in close for a truly sweet and tender moment. Don't worry, kitten, with at least one parent on your side you've got an advantage that some homos never get.
Somewhere downstairs, an unseen piano player whips up a swirl of melodramatic, evil tones as Paula jots down the number of DelusionsAreUs.com. If she had a moustache, the pianist would force her to twirl it.
Arthur enters the room and Paula hides the number and closes up the laptop. She knows that hippie husband of hers isn't going to sign off on any brainwashing (unless it's the psychedelic sort).
Paula: How is she?
Arthur: More upset than I've ever seen her. Why aren't you talking to her Paula?
Paula: Because I don't want to say anything to her that I'll regret.
Like, oh I don't know, â€œYou disgust me?â€
Nah, Paula doesn't regret that one. Maybe she's more afraid of accidentally apologizing.
Arthur: It's too late for that. I think we need to talk this out.
Paula: I agree. I think we should consult a specialist.
Snap! Wouldn't that be like Arthur rebuffing Mama C's medical treatment and asking for a second opinion? The guy's a social worker for crying out loud!
Arthur: A specialist? In what?
Paula: In turning her back. In saving her.
Arthur: Saving her from what?
Paula: It's not natural, Arthur, what she's doing.
She's obviously never read And Tango Makes Three.
Arthur: According to whom?
Paula: According to God! According to the type of people that will judge her and hate her!
Arthur: Like you. I'm going to take Glen to his rehab counselor. We'll finish this when I get back.
No, she's going to finish it right now. When he leaves the room she calls the anti-gay brain-drain people.
Coward of the Countyâ€”Glen and Arthur are heading into the LA County Social Services building when Glen stops to hurl into a garbage can.
Glen: I'm going to die.
Arthur: You're not going to die.
Glen: Kill me!
Arthur feeds him some bull about how he's already made it through the â€œtoughest partâ€ which is â€œadmitting that you have a problem.â€ I don't know, barfing, depression and hallucinations seem a bit â€œtougherâ€ if you ask me.
Glen: Thanks for being there for me.
Arthur: Wait until Rhonda gives you electric shock therapy before you thank me.
Arthur: I'm kidding!
Crisis brings out Arthur's sarcastic side. He, like Glen, is more interesting when Glen's all hopped up on pain pills.