“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episode 2.3 “Guess Who’s Coming Out to Dinner”


Gray Nightclub – The bar has shut down, and Madison is tallying her paltry tips. Low on moral fiber, but high on ingenuity (like her dad?) Madison fudges the numbers on some credit card slips to make her night of work worthwhile. And for now, she gets away with it.

Ashley's Bedroom — Kyla slips into Ashley's room to return some borrowed clothes, but Ashley is lying in wait. They argue over Aiden because he's “not that important” to Ashley, but are interrupted when Ashley's Bitch Mother waltzes in. She tells Kyla that she has two tickets to a Victoria's Secret runway show.

Bitch Mother: There'll be tons of cute boys there, and their new line is so classically feminine. Sound like fun?

Yes, another potshot at Ashley for being so damn butch. Am I the only one who's noticed that this girl lives in miniskirts and slinky tops? When the SON moms aren't out cruising young boys (for their daughters, of course) they are policing the gender border like a couple of Minutemen!

Ashley reminds her Bitch Mother that she exists and asks if she can go to the Victoria's Secret runway show. And really, wouldn't gay Ashley appreciate a lingerie show a lot more than straight Kyla—who can always buy from the catalogue? Bitch Mother archly tells Ashley that she didn't think she would be interested in such feminine trifles, but Ashley takes a stand.

Ashley: Come on, Mom. We both know what this is about.
Bitch Mother: Ashley, I don't think we should bring this up in front of Kyla.
Ashley: Why not? She's part of the family now, right?
Kyla: Um, I'm going to go to bed now. (She skedaddles away to her wing of the mansion.)
Bitch Mother: You have no right to make her feel uncomfortable just because we have problems.
Ashley: We don't have problems. You do. Ever since you find out I was gay. It's like I'm invisible. Like you don't even have a daughter anymore.
Bitch Mother: That's not true! You've just grown up, and we've gone our separate ways.
Ashley: Well I haven't gone anywhere Mom! I think it's time for me to stop waiting for you…to love me again.

Her Bitch Mother doesn't deny anything Ashley has said, and scuttles back to her lair. Poor Ash.

Carlin House of Pain — Paula is ruminating about all of the eligible teenage boys that Spencer can date, while Arthur stews in a pungent mix of agony and bitterness. And scotch. He all but tells her to shut up, then adds that her matchmaking is simply a distraction from their rapidly decaying marriage. He suggests they focusing on fixing their relationship instead.

Paula experiences a fleeting moment of vulnerability and asks, “What if we can't?”

Ashley's Convertible — Spencer slips out of her house into Ashley's fancy new ride. They sweetly apologize to one another for the fight.

Ashley: You had every right to be mad at me. And I don't have feelings for Aiden anymore. I only have feelings for you.
Spencer: Thank you. I really need to do something. I need to come out to my parents. I'm tired of keeping us a secret, but I'm so scared about how they're going to react. What should I say?
Ashley: Nothing. I know that I gave you a lot of crap about it earlier, but I look at the way my mom treats me because I'm gay—like I'm less of a daughter somehow. And I don't want you to go through that.
Spencer: That sucks. What am I supposed to do, never come out to my parents?
Ashley: No, that's not what I'm saying. You've just changed a lot since you've come here, Spencer. And your parents…not so much. You just have to pick the right moment, ‘cause you only get one.
Spencer: Why does it have to be so hard?
Ashley: It has to be. Otherwise we wouldn't realize how important it really is.

They feel a surge of great importance and kiss—for four whole seconds! It's a new record y'all! Glenn watches from his bedroom up above, and slams his window shut in a hissy fit of homophobic disgust. If only he were on the right medication, maybe he would think he could fly…

Preview of next week – A bikini-clad Ashley slathers lotion all over a bikini-clad Spencer. I think some other stuff happens too, but who cares?

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