“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episode 2.3 “Guess Who’s Coming Out to Dinner”

Gray Nightclub — Madison apparently did “work something out” with the bartender at Gray, because now she's waiting tables. Madison complains about her crappy tips and Ashley breezes by to tell her, “You could always go back to pole dancing.” (This is Ashley's N-approved version of “You are a whore, darlin'”.

Ashley sidles up to the bar and gripes about her “damaged day” to the barkeep, Cat.

Ashley: So my new sister's dating my old boyfriend, which must be like incest or polygamy or something that causes babies to come out with three of everything. Meanwhile, my new girlfriend thinks I'm jealous of my old boyfriend and new sister and their three-headed baby, so she's going on a date with a guy–yeah, a guy. Some church boy that her mom, who isn't exactly ‘Yay Gay' set her up with. Because she won't tell her that she prefers girls, not guys. I know, it's confusing.

Cat is not confused. She may have had extensive therapeutic training and may actually be an LCSW. She points out that Ashley just talked about everyone else, but that she hasn't mentioned anything about herself.

Cat: What's important to you? To Ashley?

Ashley has an “I've Never Been to Me” moment, and sits in stunned silence. Like most teenagers, Ashley really hasn't spent enough time thinking about herself and what she wants. It's a problem.

Carlin Household — Paula is cleaning up the dinner dishes and closes the door to the other room, giving Spencer and Patrick some privacy. Compared to how she treats a visit from Ashley, it's as if she's put fresh sheets on the bed and cued up a Barry White CD. Spencer and Patrick commiserate about how lame parents can be, and he tells her that he actually already has a girlfriend — one that his parents don't like. Paula's right, they DO have a lot in common!

Gray Nightclub—Glen finds Madison bitching about how her crappy tips are going to keep her from Being Someone in Los Angeles. Glen tells her that she's already a total rock star, and that she doesn't need to buy her way back “in.” The compliments are foreplay for Madison, and the two stumble into a bathroom stall for a quickie.

Chelsea's Art Studio — Chelsea is painting her little heart out on a giant mural, and Clay watches in amazement. Seeing her in her element makes him decide that he will let her go to Paris without begging her to stay there with him. The whole “if you love someone, set them free” bit finally gets Clay laid!

Gray Bathroom Stall — Madison bursts out of the stall in a huff, while Glen fumbles with his zipper (and his crutch), telling her that “it” has never happened before. Madison takes “it” very personally, and suggests that maybe Spencer isn't the only homo in the Carlin family. Glen reminds her that he's on medication, which, as we all know, can have a certain unfortunate side effect. (Yet another perk of being a lesbian–"it" never happens to us!)

Carlin Kitchen — Spencer merrily tells Paula that Patrick has left the building, apparently “not interested” in her at all. Paula is really bummed. But it's okay.

Paula: A lot of my friends at church have sons your age.

Spencer finally realizes that she's just going to have to keep blowing off church boys unless she comes out to her family.

Gym Exterior — Aiden has brought Kyla to the gym for a date. She makes fun of him for being “such a guy” but we see Aiden signal a janitor (or creepy serial killer or whoever the guy in the shadows is), and this probably means that there is more to this gym date than meets the eye. He and Shadow Man must have set up some kind of lavishly romantic scenario in this unlikely location.

Gym Interior — Aiden leads Kyla into the gym, where he reveals the big surprise: a few candles, some flowers, and a blanket in the middle of an empty gymnasium. Kyla is overwhelmed by this intricate, imaginative, and daring gesture.

Kyla: How did you do this?
Aiden: You spend enough time on these courts, you make a few friends.

They passionately embrace, and this grand display of love just might convince Kyla to kill off her virginity one last time. What's the big deal? It's like in Re-Animator – dead tissue can always be reborn.

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