Carlin Living Room — Arthur is waking up on the sofa again and Paula is bitching about having overslept.
Arthur: Well, that's what happens when you make your alarm clock sleep on the couch.
I'm totally digging the new back-talking Arthur!
Paula tells him that he has to stop being mad at her, and he begs to differ. She exits in puff of green smoke.
Gray — Ashley's birthday party is in full swing and there's a line at the door, ostensibly where all the less cool kids are waiting in vain to get in.
Inside, all is right with the world. Spencer and Ashley are dancing together (in a squeaky clean, dosey-do kind of way), Clay and Chelsea are cuddling in the corner, Glen looks totally doped up as he dirty dances with his crutch, Madison is serving drinks, and — huh?
Madison is the cocktail waitress? Ay dios mio!
Suddenly, a hush falls over the crowd. Aiden has arrived, and he's brought Kyla! Everyone steps back for the inevitable Ashley/Kyla rumble.
Ashley jumps all over Aiden for defying her orders and bringing Kyla to the party, but he tells her that he knows that the girls would get along if they'd just give it a try.
Ashley: You don't know me at all. If you did, you wouldn't have brought her. This about you, Aiden.
Kyla knows where she's not wanted (so she had to see this coming, right?) and storms out of the party. Aiden goes after her, and Ashley makes a "This party is ruined!" face at Spencer, who is probably starting to feel like she can't do anything right.
Outside Gray — Kyla is moping outside the club when Madison slips out to…comfort (?) her.
Madison: Look, you're new here and we really don't know each other, but —
Then she unloads all of the Aiden/Ashley/Spencer Season One dirty laundry so that Kyla can get up to speed. Aiden steps outside just in time to hear Madison tell Kyla that he once got Ashley pregnant.
Think quickly! Must not ruin chances with new girl! Tell her you were just donating sperm to your favorite lesbian, and reference She Hate Me.
But he shouldn't worry, because Kyla appears to be more upset by Aiden lying to her than the fact that he knocked up her half-sister.
Gray — Inside the club, Ashley is suffering from drama overload and has gone into seclusion. In the bathroom. She fiddles with her cel phone and calls her dead father's number — which has been disconnected — then bursts into tears.
Meanwhile, the camera dude from Behind the Music enters the bar and Spencer flips out.
Spencer: Perfect! The night just gets better. That guy's got a tape of me and Ashley kissing. I tried to get it back from him, but — if that gets on TV — if mom sees that —
Clay: She would freak!
Spencer: What am I gonna do?
Clay sets off for the tape, but instead gets into a shoving match with Camera Dude. I'm worried because Clay is more of a scholar than a fighter, so he might be starting something he can't finish. And he doesn't have a 70 lb camera that he could use as a weapon. But it's okay, because Clay has a strong left (brain) jab. He tells Camera Dude, "You're thinking of using something involving a minor who did not sign a release form?"
Oh yeah. Minors! For some reason, I always seem to forget that about them.
Clay makes a nice save, and it's a good thing that one of these kids actually attends classes and learns about the law and stuff.
Camera Dude admits that he wasn't going to use the footage anyway ("Your kiss didn't make this cut") and instead gives them a copy of the show he's been shooting.
I'm not sure I trust him. The girls may not have made the Behind the Music cut, but they had better keep a close eye on any Girls Gone Wild ads that pop up on the Spike Channel over the next couple of weeks.