“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episode 2.2 “Behind the Music”


Boxing Gym — Aiden is boxing and showing off his body. This seems like a good time for me to go to the kitchen and get a Diet Mountain Dew (or "Liquid Gold" as its known around my house). But when I come back, he's still there.

Aiden: I take it things aren't going that well with Ash.

For a second it looks like he's talking to the punching bag — which seems more like something Glen would do. But it turns out that he's talking to Kyla, who soon moves into the frame.

Kyla: Can I plead the Second?

He gives his best "Oh, silly girl!" chuckle and tells her, "I think you mean the Fifth. The Second is the right to bear arms."

There is no way that jockstrap Aiden would know any of this, but I'll go along with it because I love this show. (It's called "The Willing Suspension of Disbelief", and it's gotten me through the last two presidential elections.)

Kyla, who I can easily believe knows about all of the Amendments, replies snappily, "That's what I'm pleading for."

Aiden assures her that Ashley will get over herself. Well, what he says is that she'll "loosen up." Kyla unsheathes her claws.

Kyla: I don't really care if Ashley's loose or not.

Ashley has apparently teleported from her bedroom to the gym, because she suddenly appears right behind them.

Ashley: Heard that!
Aiden: What are you doing here?

Exactly. Don't you have a cute (and extremely curious) girlfriend waiting for you somewhere, Miss Saucy Socks?

Aiden bails for the shower, but Ashley continues to hammer away at Kyla.

Ashley: Look, if it's not too much trouble to ask, could you stop completing invading my life?
Kyla: Ash, I'm not inva —
Ashley: "Ash"? Noooo. You don't get the right to call me that. It's "Ashley". No, you don't even get the right to call me "Ashley"!

That's okay, I'm sure Kyla has a few other names in mind.

Kyla: I'm not trying to invade anything.
Ashley: Umm, VH1 Video?!?!
Kyla: They invaded me! Hey this may be hard on you, but it's no dream come true for me either.
Ashley: I'm sure it must be tough finding out that your Mom is a total whore.
Kyla: Not as tough as finding out that my half-sister is a roaring bitch.


Ashley channels her hateful mother, telling Kyla, "Just do me a favor. Take your half of the money and get your bastard ass out of here."

Ashley and Kyla

Parking Lot, King High — Madison finds a newspaper that someone has shoved under the wiper blade on her car. The headline reads that someone with Madison's last name has been indicted for embezzling. Her eyes bug out of her head, but when Glen hobbles over she acts like nothing's wrong.

Madison: How's your knee?
Glen: It's getting better every minute… Um, I've been thinking about us a lot.
Madison: Ay dios mio.

Because Glen probably thinks that's Spanish for "I've been thinking about us a lot too", he continues.

Glen: You were confused before, alright? Breaking up with me, going out with Aiden, getting dumped by Aiden — "

He'd better stop while he's ahead. Madison has handed out concussions to people for saying much less.

Madison: What's your point?
Glen: I'm here for you.
Madison: I'm not interested.
Glen: Really, because before I blew out my knee you were talking about getting married.
Madison: I was just caught up in the moment. I didn't want you to go away to college without me.
Glen: Well now I'm not going anywhere.


Madison: Exactly.
Glen: Wow. People say that I'm shallow —

Then he snags her newspaper and uses his Hooked on Phonics skills to read the headline.

Glen: Your dad stole from a charity?
Madison: It's just lawyer spin, its fine.
Glen: Rrright —

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