The Carlin Courthouse â€” Back at the Carlin's, Paula's fleeting fit of compassion for Ashley has given way to judgment. Well, at least she's reliable. She's clucking about how Ashley is so screwed up (aka gay) because of her lousy parents, when Arthur turns the tables on her again. He pointedly asks if she's referring to the way in which Ashley's father, lied, cheated, and abandoned his family.
Is it a coincidence that when he says all of this he's enjoying his trademark highball?
Paula: So we're going to make this about us now?
Arthur: It would be a refreshing change from your constant Ashley-bashing. This is a time when she needs her best friend Spencer more than ever.
Paula: Oh give me a break. She wants to be more than just friends.
Hmm. Does it help if you're both right?
Arthur uses the â€œmore than friendsâ€ comment to bring up Paula's special friend, Dr. Ben. With Glen standing just a few feet away, he asks Paula if she's slept with Ben, and she makes a speech about how they both need to make the effort if their marriage is going to work. Then she takes away his highball.
If I were Arthur, I would need the highball to make that marriage work.
King High School â€” Glen and Clay are walking to class, andâ€”well, technically Glen is limping to class. He's on crutches and he's bitching about his parents, about Spencer, about Ashley. Clay is sticking up for all of them, but Glen just keeps yammering away. I wish he still had his Jeopardy button, because the un-medicated Glen is extremely tedious. He wants to take a pill almost as much as I want him to take a pill, but when he tries to do just that, he finds them missing from his locker.
Across Campus â€” Clay and adorable girlfriend Chelsea discuss her upcoming art show. She's too nervous to go to the opening, and Clay teases her about it. And that's about the full extent of their problems today.
Unlike everyone else on this show, these two are not â€œall about the drama.â€
Ashley's Locker â€” Ashley's griping too, about what a â€œfreakâ€ Kyla is and how the gargantuan sum of money at stake will only complicate matters, and how the conditions of the daughters' inheritance include them staying in contact with each other, living in the same city, going to family counseling together twice a month. Kyla will be moving there soon, and she's already enrolling at King High. OMG!
It really seems like it could be much worse for Ashley, doesn't it?
What if she was the one who had to move? And what if she ended up in some gay-unfriendly place, like some state where a conservative Governor vetoed pro-gay legislation orâ€”oh, I forgot, she already lives in California.
Amidst all of this kvetching, Ashley casually drops a number. $25 million. That's what her father's estate is worth. Suddenly, I feel a little less sorry for her. She jams her father's priceless leather vest into her skanky (and apparently lock-less) locker. So we shouldn't be too surprised when she later finds out that it has been stolen.
Kyla makes the mistake of showing up on school property, and Spencer gets in trouble with Ashley for waving to Kyla.
Where are Clay and Chelsea when we need them?
Kyla's Room in Ashley's House â€”Ashley has been spoiling for a smack down with Kyla, and she finally gets her chance. And she even has some wrath to spare for their father.
Ashley: You know what was important to him? Partying, playing his music and sleeping around. We're just two mistakes in his screwed up life.
Kyla: I don't feel like a mistake! A secret, maybe. Abandoned, maybe. But unlike you, I'm glad I was born. And I love my mom. She's been really good to me.
Ashley: There's a sentence I'll never say.
Kyla seems genuinely sad that Ashley's mother is such a shrew, and she promises not to let her pit them against each other. But Ashley, whose savoring her bitterness, tells Kyla that she's way out of her leagueâ€”with both of them. When Ashley finally exits in a huff, Kyla tells her, â€œSee you in therapy!â€
God, I hope so. Angry Ashley is too busy lashing out at her sister to pursue any romance with Spencer. Those two haven't laid a hand on each other since â€œthe morning after,â€ and that's just unacceptable.