“South of Nowhere” Recaps: Episode 2.1 “The Morning After”


There was a time—maybe 5 or 6 episodes ago—when our doe-eyed heroine practically peed her pants if she had to lie to her parents. But all of the sneaking around with Ashley behind Paula's back has paid off. Spencer is now operating at the normal, healthy 16 year old level of deception.

Spencer: Aiden and I were at Ashley's house.

Mother Superior's eyes bulge out of her head. She's so angry that she didn't even hear Spencer throw out the Aiden red-herring. All she heard was, “blah, blah, Ashley, blah, blah lesbian sex.”

Paula: Ashley?!

Mother Superior leaps to her feet. What, is she going to hit Spencer again?

At the mere mention of that homo Ashley's name, Glen rolls his eyes. Or maybe his eyes are just rolling back in his head. Keep pressing that morphine button, you little bigot!

Spencer: Mom, we were just… hanging out.

Cut to Spencer's flashback—you know, the one you've been waiting for since last February? The girls are in bed, and Ashley is on top of Spencer kissing her. It's a short clip, but we get the picture.

Spencer: My cel phone just…died.

She throws in the last part of the lie and tops it with an evil smile. Has a little bit of Ashley lovin' put Spencer in touch with her inner Shannen Doherty?

Cue up the show's new theme song, “Wasted” by L.P. I really dug the old theme song by The Donnas, but how cool is it that the new one is sung by an out lezzie rocker? (Who also happens to put on an excellent live show.) I'm taking it as a good omen for the future of all things Spashley.

Aiden's bedroom — Apparently the girls weren't the only ones getting lucky last night. Aiden is getting dressed while Madison prances around his bedroom talking about how important she is to him.

I'm happy for Aiden. Well, I'm mostly happy for myself. Now that he's found a girl to have sex with, maybe he'll stop flirting with Spencer. And Ashley.

Madison makes a big production out of telling Aiden that she's not with Glen anymore, and that Glen was really just an “excuse” to make Aiden want her more.

Aiden barely suppresses a yawn, and they head off to school.

King High School — Ashley and Spencer are sitting on a bench and they are — surprise, surprise — processing their first night together. They probably already have a couples counseling session lined up for 7th period.

Spencer is shyly trying to get a little positive feedback from Ashley.

Spencer: Last night. Was I…okay?
Ashley: Yeah, you were.

Wow, way to lay it on thick there Ash! Spencer probably feels like a seasoned lesbian stud after all of that sexual confidence-boosting sweet talk.

But because Spencer's a girly girl, she's not easily deterred. She'll keep fishing until she hooks the compliment she's looking for.

Spencer: Thanks. I'll get better, I promise. (Bat, bat go the lashes)
Ashley: Shut up! It's not like I've had that much experience. Okay, that's a lie. But it's different with everybody. And it's great with you.

I guess there's a compliment in there somewhere. Oh Ashley, please don't get cocky just yet. We're only about 12 hours into this relationship, and, seriously…since February, okay? Don't screw this up for the rest of us.

Oblivious to my pleas, Ashley changes the subject completely. She's going to have dinner with her ne'er-do-well rocker dad, and she'd like Spencer to join them. She does throw Spence a bone when she tells her that she's the first person she's ever wanted to take ho—um, to the Sunset Strip—to meet her dad. Spencer gets dreamy eyed, as if Ashley's just proposed.

Take a note from Ashley's book, amateurs. Playing the aloof, wounded and yet borderline disinterested card makes girls melt.

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