At the end of Season One of South of Nowhere, the camera faded out on Spencer and Ashley's ridiculously overdue kiss, and I felt like Carol Lynley in The Poseidon Adventure – all decked out in some fabulous hot pants, lip-synching, “There's got to be a morning after…”
The Poseidon Adventure. 1973. No, not the updated version with a sassy gay hero and Fergie as the doomed lounge singer. I mean the original, the one with Shelly Winters swimming for her life.
The fact that I'm old enough to know the song from The Poseidon Adventure or anything about Carol Lynley's pants — hot or not — is just one more reason why I probably shouldn't be so wrapped up in a tv show about two queer teenagers.
But I am. And, mercifully, there is a morning after SON's Season One finale so very many months ago.
Ashley's Love Shack — We get our first glimpse of The New Spencer — the improved, finally-been-(at the very least)-kissed-by–a-girl model. She's just where we left her at the end of last season, in Ashley's bed. I can't think of a better place for her, but what happened there is still up for grabs.
Did they or didn't they?
I'm on record as saying they did. But I'll admit that maybe that was just wishful thinking. After spending a whole season watching these two crawl to first base, maybe I was just afraid that my social security check wouldn't cover cable fees when and if they ever got around to sex!
Spencer looks angelic as usual as she dozes, but when her eyes flutter open she sees that the space beside her is empty. Has our little heartbreaker Ashley already ditched Spencer for a new conquest?
Nope. Before the word “Ashley” is even out of Spencer's mouth, Ash says, “I'm right here.”
Sure, Ashley's a bad girl, but she's not a dumb girl.
Sitting by the bed looking fetchingly rumpled, Ashley offers Spence a big mug of coffee.
Ashley: Are you alright? With everything that happened last night with us?
Hmmm. Vague, but suggestive. Would she be asking Spencer this question if they had just kissed a couple of times and then spent the rest of the night watching Laguna Beach reruns?
Spencer, who is sporting a suspicious glow, doesn't respond. She just buries her face in the covers.
Oh no. Not the “I'm-really-a-straight-girl” freak out. And that's probably what Ashley's worried about when she goes to Spencer and pushes the hair away from her eyes.
Ashley: What? Spencer, what's wrong?
Spencer finally peeks out at her, and Ashley goes all gooey. In her best rock royalty rasp, Ashley tells Spencer that she's beautiful.
Spencer: Stop. It's okay. It's a big deal, and I want it to be for you too.
Ashley: It is.
They are so not talking about Laguna Beach reruns.