Welcome back, everyone! Remember back in September 2007 when I posted my last South of Nowhere recap, and I promised we’d start things back up again in the spring? Well, it wasn’t to be. The N, in their infinite wisdom, delayed the final episodes of the series (this will be the last season for SON) for more than a year.
A year is a long time when you’re in high school. In that amount of time you can graduate (or get held back), move out of your parents’ home, wrack up a few thousand dollars worth of student loan debt or even start a cult.
Luckily for all of us, none of that happened since the "Gay Pride" episode aired.
In fact, watching this SON episode was like reconnecting with an old friend. An old friend who shows up at your house wearing only a trench coat and a smile.
That’s where we left things with young lovers Spencer and Ashley last year, locked in a half-naked, steamy embrace in Ashley’s doorway. How’s that working out for them? Let’s find out!
Let sleeping girls lie — We’re back in Ashley’s room again for another "morning after" with Spencer. Maybe it’s because I haven’t visited their world in quite some time, but I don’t remember Ashley’s room looking quite so modular andâ€¦purple. It’s like Prince and Dita Von Teese got hitched and had West Elm furnish their boudoir (theme — Gothic Bruising)!
Remember last year when Spencer spent the night with Ash and all hell broke loose when she went home? No? Apparently, neither does Spencer. She wakes up, all doe-eyed as usual, with perfectly rumpled hair and calling out sweetly for Ashley. Ash pops out of the bathroom and flits to her side.
Spencer: Since when are you up before noon?
Ashley: I had trouble sleeping — I had to keep pinching myself to make sure that you’re really here.
Nah, I think it was her own outfit that kept her awake. Its neon glow was probably pulsing from the closet.
Ashley admits that she probably should have roused Spencer, but she couldn’t resist watching her sleep. Spencer is charmed by the declaration, and doesn’t appear at all terrified at the prospect of what Mother Superior might do to her when she finally shows her face at home again.
She tells Ashley, "When I saw you at pride with my mom, I knew everything was different."
Yeah, that was swell. But unless Ashley lobotomized Paula that day with the sharp end of her rainbow flag, I don’t think she’s going to approve of their little sleepover.
They’re just about to resume their A-frame (connected at the lips but nowhere else) kissing when Creepy Sex Blogger Jake walks in on them.
Ugh, him again. As Spencer’s been busy dating (and escaping) crazy high school girls (remember Carmen?), she missed out on the invasion of the Isle of Davies by the Owen Wilson-alike.
Jake introduces himself as "Ashley and Kyla’s manager," but Ash quickly corrects him. "He’s Kyla’s manager. He’s my nothing." Heh.
He scuttles away and Spencer frantically gets dressed for school. What’s the sudden rush? Career Day!
Ash rolls her eyes and adds another entry to her long list of reasons why she loves studying for the GED. Ashley sees it as a perfect day for cutting, but Spencer can’t do it because Mother Superior has volunteered to show the King High kids how to be a castrating, self-righteous, recovering homophobe doctor!
Call me square, but I think that a Job Fair can be pretty dang entertaining!
After Spencer leaves, Ash goes out to the north wing of her apartment to find Kyla crashed on the couch as Jake phishes her Facebook account, siphons money from her savings or conducts some other such important online business. Ash rouses her, but Kyla’s still in her party clothes and runs out of the room to barf. Ashley gives Jake a "What have you done to my half-sister?" look, and he just shrugs and tells her, "It’s all good."
Damn that insensitive Jake! If Aiden were here, he would totally hold back Kyla’s hair.
Mama told me not to come — Over at King High, Paula is all decked out in her white jacket and pink-and-white blouse, which makes her look more like a candy striper than a blood–and-guts ER doctor.
I haven’t said it in over a year, so I’ll say it again now — Paula Carlin is hot!
Anyway, Spencer apologizes for being five hours late to school because she was monkeying around with Ashley. Then she has the gall to ask Paula to lie (isn’t that a sin?) and sign a note excusing her tardiness.