“South of Nowhere” Recap: Episode 3.10 “Spencer’s 18th Birthday”

Oh happy day
Today is a very special day. All of you South of Nowhere
fans and Spencer lovers over the age of 21 can breathe a collective
sigh of relief. You don’t have to feel like lezzie perverts
anymore because Spencer Carlin is turning 18! Yay!

It seems like only yesterday
when Spencer was trying out for the cheerbitch squad, cutting class
at the beach, getting smacked around by her mom. But she’s 18
now, and this means she can… well, vote. Spencer’s still technically
a high school student, so her options are somewhat limited.

But the good news is that the age of consent in
California is 18
,
so anything that happens between her and Ashley (or her and your imagination)
is no longer a felony. Yay!

Speaking of Ashley, she’s
somehow convinced Paula to let her surprise Spencer with breakfast in
bed.

She trots in wearing not much
more than some hoochie boots and a smile, carrying a tray of food that
probably weighs more than she does.

Spencer:
Am I dreaming or did you make me breakfast in bed?
Ashley:

Technically, your dad made the waffles. But my new BFF, your mom, let
me deliver. Because I brought you these!

Ashley does her best Vanna
White impression and presents Spencer with a big vase of pink roses.

She tells Spencer that there
are 18 roses because she’s turning 18 (clever girl!), but the flowers
are only the first of many gifts. It must be nice to have a trust-fund
girlfriend.

If I had one and she wanted
to buy me anything my heart desired, I don’t think I’d even know where to begin!

Spencer protests all the material
adulation sure to be in store for her, but Ashley tells her she wants
to shower her with gifts so that Spencer knows that she loves her. Spencer
looks pleasantly surprised to hear the words and eagerly says it right
back to her little rocker. They share an annoyingly tame and brief kiss,
which Ashley interrupts to quiz Spencer about all the cool things she
can do now that she’s 18.

I think a better move would
have been to presume the answer would be “you” and just keep kissing
her instead, but whatever.

Spencer immediately mentions
voting and Ashley (who probably isn’t even registered!) looks incredulous,
as if Spencer said she planned to adopt an injured puppy or donate blood,
or something equally tame and unselfish.

Ashley thinks voting is “boring.”
I think she should turn on her TV and check out those No on Prop 8 PSA’s. You can’t properly run
away with your teen bride and foolishly say “screw it” to the prenup
without the legal right to marry, Ashley!

Bored silly, Ashley quickly
changes the topic to what a bad girlfriend she is, as she won’t be
in town to celebrate. Spencer assures her,
Well, flying to New York to be on live national television from
the living room is a pretty good excuse.”

Before Ashley can start talking
about that particular gig, Paula rushes into Spencer’s room waving
a voter registration form like it’s a winning lotto ticket. Ashley
is shocked all over again. These voting citizens are nuts!

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