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“Skins” reveals Mini’s girl crush, gives Franky a happy beginning

There’s always a lot of chatter on the internet about how Skins bosses pander to the gay community, and every time I see that kind of thing, I want to find the people who are writing it and get close enough for them to smell my minty fresh breath when I laugh in their faces. Let me tell you what pandering to the gay community would look like. Pandering to the gay community would look like drawing rigid lines around characters and stamping them with prefabricated labels: Lesbian. Bisexual. And then copying down some IKEA instructions and calling it a story. Pandering to the gay community would look like parading those gay characters around on the merit of their gaynesss and begging the gay community to tune in and watch them be gay.

That is the opposite of Skins. It’s all about narrative integrity with those guys, and nothing in the whole wide world will earn you a kiss on the mouth faster than that. (From me, at least. You might use other criteria when dolling out snogs.)

When series 5 ended last week, I said out loud, “Well, that was just the queerest thing to ever happen to my TV.” After “Grace” I wondered if there was some actual substance to the sizzling chemistry between Franky and Mini. The writers had obviously been setting up a Franky/Matty romance from the word go. Were they really going there with the queen bee and the gender non-conformist? After “Everyone,” I have to believe the answer is “absolutely!”

On the morning of Grace and Rich’s wedding, Mini takes a break to pull up a photo on her phone – a photo of Matty and Franky. A photo of Matty and Franky that she instantly resizes to frame only Franky’s sweet face. And that’s the moment – right then – when you know it’s more than mates.

Mini marches herself over to Matty to have a little chat with him.

Mini: Stay away from Franky today.

Matty: What are you, her bodyguard?

Mini: No, I’m her best friend, and I’ve been looking after her.

Matty: Is she OK?

Mini: No, she’s not OK, OK? You’ve made her ill.

Matty: I haven’t done anything.

Mini: We all have to make an effort today, and that includes you, amazingly. I mean, you’ve done a pretty good job ignoring her calls, so please don’t fuck with her head today. Promise me?

Matty: Yes. I promise.

Mini: Good. Toodles!

Here’s a tip: If you find yourself threatening to cut off some guy’s balls over your “best friend,” there’s a chance you’re mistaking “protectiveness” for “nuclear-level jealousy.” I maybe know this from experience. In high school I maybe tried to run over my best friend’s boyfriend – with my car.

The problem is, Franky’s kind of begging to be messed with because she’s leaving a note on Matty’s pillow at the same time, asking what’s going on between them.

Mini is keen to help Franky into her dress for the wedding. She zips her up and spins her around, giggling about “VBL. Visible Boxers Line.” And the way Franky looks at her when she turns makes my heart hammer in my chest like it’s trying to break free.

Franky: Do I look like a d–k?

Mini: No, you look amazing. Now, remember what I said.

Franky: I deserve better.

Mini tilts Franky’s chin up while every lesbian in the United Kingdom shouts, “KISS HER G–DAMMIT!” at the telly.

Everyone’s emotions amp up to unbearable on the ride to the wedding in Alo’s van. Liv watches Matty watch Franky. Mini watches Franky watch Matty. Franky and Matty stare like the world will stop spinning if they break eye-contact, which they’re only forced to do when the van lurches forward and Matty ends up on top of her. The answer to the question about what’s going on between the two of them? Something he can’t stop.

There’s a beer brawl for giggles, and it’s all fun and games until Mini tries to use it as an excuse to actually murder Matty. Franky cottons on to the attempted homicide and she’s like, “Have you been saying shit behind my back?” And Mini explains that Franky deserves better, that she’s trying to protect her, that Matty only wants to “f–k her and f–k her up.” Franky says, “good!” and storms off after Liv and Matty.

Things get real gay real fast with those three when Liv tries to seduce Franky to fix what’s broken with her and Matty. Liv unzips Franky’s dress and kisses her neck. Franky leans into it because Franky is into people. And also she’s pilled up. Matty stops Liv because Franky’s not some kind of experiment, and Liv gets it then: That Matty’s level of head-f–kery matches Franky’s level of head-f–kery, and there’s nothing she can do to stop it either.

In the woods, Franky and Matty fall on top of each other for some serious groping, but Franky flashes to some kind of traumatic experience from her childhood, and breaks free from his grasp, running and running and running until she topples over an actual cliff. Liv saves her, Mini shows up and holds her. It’s some of that heavy-handed Skins symbolism I love so much. Before the fall, Liv broke the news to Mini that her “girl crush is so blatant.”

After Grace and Rich’s thwarted wedding, the gang crashes an outdoor wedding reception. Dakota Blue Richards said in an interview with Digital Spy that there was a Mini/Franky kiss that was cut from the scene – her favorite, by the way – and Matty and Franky end up in each other’s arms.

It’s funny: I kind of thought every AfterEllen.com reader would be rooting for Mini and Franky, but so many of you guys are rooting for Matty and Franky, because as revolutionary as Franky’s character is, how interesting would it be to watch a more “masculine” female character end up with a bloke? Others of you are Minky all the way. At this point, it seems very one-sided, with most of the longing coming off of Mini. But I can’t wait to see where the writers take these stories in series six.

I’ve got an interview with Jamie Brittain for you in the next day or two, so stay tuned for that. And in the meantime, you might want to check out the new Skins novel. When I told Jamie I was convinced something happened between Mini and Liv when they were younger, he laughed and said I’d find out all about that in the book.

What are your final thoughts on the fifth series of Skins?

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