“Skins” Retro Recap (3.05): “Freddie”


After class, Cook tackles JJ in the hall and tries to convince Freddie to come to the pub with them, but he refuses because he’s kind of still buzzed on Effy and he has to go home and exploit the memory of his dead mother so Karen can get paid to thrust. He’s completely uncooperative in the interview, which earns him no points from anyone, and when he retires to his shed, he finds the breadcrumbs Effy left behind for him. He follows them immediately to her house.

[Rophy says: Oh ffs. Rophy forgot to include something in their recap of this episode, but HH? You have swooped in and saved us with the perfect opportunity.

In Rophyland, Karen is squealing "Girls, girls, girls!" whilst shimmying, whether it makes sense or not.

The Stonems are on Round 52 of Divorce, and are so desensitized to their galactic horribleness that they’re just letting their teenage daughter sit at the table and smoke while they abuse the shit out of each other. Freddie rings the doorbell and Effy lets him in; they sit together silently while Effy’s mum and dad rip each other apart like wildebeests, and it’s just … these are the voices in Effy’s head always, with the turmoil and the shouting and the destruction, and Freddie can’t hear anything but the beating of his heart, so he says, "We’d be good together. Don’t you think?" Effy says that no, she’d break his heart, and he stupidly, perfectly suggests that maybe he’d break hers instead. She wonders why she’d want that, but the exact opposite is true: Effy’s heart is already broken. She doesn’t want Freddie to put it back together.

Freddie skateboards some more and is all alone. He crashes. He bleeds. He gets high. And then he wakes up to find that his one place of solitude in the whole entire world — the only place he belongs — has been renovated to make a dance studio for Karen. He tells his dad it’s the worst thing he’s ever done to him, and it’s true because almost all the love in Freddie’s life is just memories, and his dad just painted them away.

At Naomi and Emily’s first date, Keith fires off absurd questions for quiz night and when Naomi questions the validity of them, he tells her to shush before she’s disqualified. Emily sighs and props her head on her hand like she wishes they’d get disqualified, so she could take Naomi home and get her out of her locker!smash! floral print jacket, which looks like the idea of a dream of a jacket some wrapping paper had in your grandmother’s closet one time. JJ is answering all the questions for the Three Musketeers, while also cracking a word puzzle to realize that Naomi spelled backwards is "I moan," which is a perfect substitution for the last line of Phoebe’s shower song!

Oh God. Shampoo bottles. Have you read the Skins novel? I just remembered. Now my brain needs to be lathered and rinsed, on repeat. Forever.

Hey, quick shipper test — when I show you this photo, what do you see?

If you answered "Naomi and Emily," you are correct. If you answered "JJ," get out.

Three things happen in quick succession that are going to change Freddie’s life: 1) He tells Cook that his dad gave their shed to Karen. 2) Effy drags some random Shark or Jet into the pub to prove a point. 3) JJ tells Freddie that Cook shagged Karen. So Freddie gets trolleyed because that sucks, but also, Freds: Cook’s mum has serviced you by this point in the story according to series four, so, you know, pot/kettle.

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