“Skins” Retro Recap (3.04): “Pandora”

Naomi can’t believe they’re really expected to play Twister. She and Katie get into a zing-off, using as many slang words for "vagina" as they can, making Emily entirely uncomfortable. Panda produces hand-made pajamas, and Naomi and Emily are stricken by the uncanny pinkness, but Katie jumps up and agrees to wear them with no fuss at all — because she’s Katie F–king Fitch is what.

And I’m not even going to recap this thing where Cook and JJ try to break into the party because I can’t start hating Cook all over again; it takes too much energy. Let’s just assume that Panda’s mum chases them off before getting friendly with some brownies and some jell-o. (Perfection, Sally Phillips. Perfection.)

Upstairs, Panda is helping Naomi, who is trapped in her pajama top, and Emily really, truly cannot help herself from looking. She’s saved from any embarrassment, though, ’cause Panda’s mum is three brownies into her night already when she shows up to share, and this is one of my favorite Skins scenes ever. I can’t really describe it, except to say: "Livin’ on a Prayer," brownies, Katie ("I’m telling you: that is some f–king good s–t."), Emily and Naomi openly flirting with one another, and this: "Eat your Cake, Panda; it’s gonna be a long night."

Emily and Naomi kick off their long night by chucking Panda’s mum onto her bed, unconscious and fully-clothed.

Panda has a nuclear meltdown because no one will tell her how to give a blowjob, which is the exact opposite reaction I had to every pajama party I ever attended as a teenager. Can we please stop talking about boys? Hey, I’ve got an idea: how about we play football!

Panda is inconsolable because the only thing she ever asked for in her life was for her friends to take their shoes off and play Twister for one afternoon, and now her mum is passed out on the bed, and Thomas is still in Congo, and no one will tell her how to get a guy into her box! Effy actually starts to cry because she does love Panda, but then Katie accidentally makes it worse because she quietly says, "She’s upset." And Effy says, "Do I ever get to be upset? Do I ever get to be anyone but me?"

And yes: One day you get to be lead rumba shaker in Panda and the Pops (the musical sensation that’s sweeping the nation).

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