“Skins” Retro Recap (3.01): “Everyone”


Out in the hallway, Effy is getting acquainted with everyone. Well, mostly she’s getting acquainted with Freddie and Katie, who are both just straight out of the kennel in these scenes. Freddie is a Labrador Retriever, falling all over his too-huge feet for a chance to fetch Effy’s slippers and lick her face. And Katie is a yippy Yorkie whose number one goal is to hump the sh-t out of Effy’s leg.

Effy tells Freddie he can fetch her slippers if he can complete a checklist of debauchery before the day is out, but things are more complicated with Katie. For starters, she calls Effy’s brother "mental," and then introduces Emily with a shrug of her shoulder, and then goes on and on about how she has a lush boyfriend and they’re the two hottest girls in school and maybe they should sit together and wear matching bows on Fridays and oh my God, just hold your leg still, won’t you?

Effy is just pulling out her water bottle to squirt Katie in the face to calm her down, when Katie catches sight of Naomi. She literally goes, "Oh no, here it comes. Total lezzer bitch!"

Katie narrows her eyes at Naomi and Naomi narrows her eyes at Emily and Effy is just like, "Awesome." Katie finally steps out of Naomi’s way with wide, innocent eyes, and explains that Naomi tried to snog Emily in middle school. Effy stops listening and zeroes in on Emily in the background, and right then is the moment that Effy starts shipping Naomi and Emily.

Naomi pops back out into the hallway to say: "Careful, Katie. I might get confused and f-ck you with my great big strap-on by mistake." And Effy thinks about shipping Herself/Naomi for just a second. But she decides against it; she’s out of checklists.

Emily’s face, though, watching someone she clearly adores stand up to Katie: she tries not to smile, fails; smirks from under droopy eyelashes, and it makes me feel like — What’s the best thing you can imagine? Legs dangling over a cloud, eating ice cream in the springtime sun while puppies scamper up a rainbow for a chance to cuddle with you? That’s what Emily’s face makes me feel like.

Katie’s like, "She just jumped you, didn’t she, Ems?" And Emily’s like, "Leave it, Katie." But Katie’s not listening because she’s got to get to class and find a double desk for her and Effy. Effy asks Emily if she’s the doormat, and Emily says, "Sort of." And in that very same "oh" way as earlier, Effy goes, "Interesting … that you just put up with it."

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