“Skins” Retro Recap (3.01): “Everyone”

Katie would like you to know that Danny is "well fit" and "well lush" but what I would like you to know about Danny is that he laughs just like Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean. Like at any moment, I expect him to go, "Arrgh, what fortuitous circumstances be these!" And of course he’d be talking about how he wants to get off on "the twin thing."

The car ride to college in painfully awkward, even for me, and I’m not crunched in the back like Emily, six inches away from Danny feeling up Katie.

At Roundview, Katie is greeted like a red carpet premiere, with everyone fawning over her and touching her and saying how much they love Danny. Katie smiles all faux-coy, telling them about Danny taking her for surf and turf and shots last week. And like a psychedelic light at the end of a Wonka Factory tunnel, stands Pandora.

She asks Effy what "surf and turf" means. Effy says it’s sex, and Panda flips the switch on PandaSpeak.

Wow! We’re going to have a wizard time at this college; ain’t we, Eff? I’m definitely going to have surf and turf ASAP. Mom says boys only want one thing, and my plan is to give it to them, lots of times, and that way I’ll get good at it, be really popular. And maybe my toes will stop throbbing.

Effy is only half-listening because PandaSpeak is soothing white noise if you know her, and they’ve been friends for a while, but really Effy is watching Katie’s reception. Once Katie is through the crowd, she shouts back, "For Christ’s sake, come on, Ems, you loser! What’s wrong with you? You’re always lagging behind me! Why can’t you wear decent clothes?"

The crowd parts on "you loser!" and that’s when Effy sees Emily Fitch for the very first time — Effy’s gift is seeing people for the very first time, which is fascinating on account of she is terrified of the mirror — and Effy simply goes, "Oh."

It’s one of my favorite moments in the entire series. Oh.

Katie keeps ranting about whatever thing, and omniscient Effy says out loud to no one: "Right. You hate her."

Panda wants to know who she is meant to hate and Effy dials down her higher being thing and tells Panda she’ll let her know.

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