The next morning, Emily wakes up and rolls over to see Naomi propped on an elbow, gazing at her. Emily says, “I love you,” and it can’t be anything but true because in sleepyhead veritas. Everyone tells the truth when they’re shaking off their dreams like a puppy coming in out of the rain. Naomi says “Don’t lie,” but, really, it’s a question. When Emily doesn’t answer, she tells her that her mum’s coming back next week — maybe it’s time for her to go. It’s the only shard of control Naomi sees, and she grabs it.
The police arrive, looking for Cook. One of them shoves Naomi against the wall, and she doesn’t even feel it.
Cook and Effy meet up in Freddie’s shed, and he gives her Freds’ Declaration of Love. JJ shows up, too, with Panda, who tells them that she’s going to Harvard to study history. (Rory Gilmore would kill herself if she saw people get into Harvard this easily.)
In the wreckage of her living room, Naomi’s phone rings. It’s her mum. “No, nothing’s going on,” Naomi tells her. “Just the usual stuff.”
(Just the usual stuff: The cops blew up the place looking for an escaped convict whose latest lover turned him in because he lost her thong at the bus station, and he barely made it out the window with our drugs before the door came crashing in.)
Then this: “I accepted a place at Goldsmith, but — yeah, I know how proud you are of me, Mum. I love you too.”
That interrupted “but” is the most important preceding clause of Naomi’s life: “But Emily wants to travel to Goa.”
You will remember that Emily and Naomi were originally going to Mexico, but I guess they had to make other plans when their ponchos caught fire during that tequila-fueled taco night.
The traveling thing has been the dissonance between the notes of the Naomily Symphony all season, but until just this moment, we’ve really only scratched the surface of why.
For Emily, it’s about holding hands and stepping together into the next phase of life. And so she understands Naomi’s reluctance to go as a reluctance to commit. And when you add that to the Sophia thing, all Emily sees is that she’s the one who keeps fighting for their relationship. We always knew what the battle was costing Emily; we watched her struggle against her mum, her twin sister, even Naomi — and, at times, her own better judgment.
And now we know that being with Emily cost Naomi everything.
Naomi only ever had herself, and the knowledge that no matter how hard she tried, she could not stop loving Emily Fitch. Emily’s presence on the edge of Naomi’s life nearly destroyed her — and she knew letting her in all the way, losing herself in Emily, was the most dangerous, reckless decision she could ever make. But she did it anyway; she couldn’t help herself.
And then Emily wanted to go traveling, which meant that — if only for a while — Naomi had to put her ambition on hold. The first thing we ever knew about her is that she hates injustice. She aced her A-levels. She’s going somewhere. She’s going to change things. She already lost herself in Emily; the idea of losing her dreams in Emily was too terrifying to even contemplate.
Back at Freddie’s shed, there’s some choreography going on to Kylie Minogue‘s “Can’t Get You Out of My Head.” The operative lyrics being: There’s a dark secret in me/don’t leave me locked in your heart. And they are, of course, directed right at Naomi.