So obviously Naomi is excited about Heat, but then she presents the breakfast menu thus: “I can fry you, poach you, scramble you; do you anyway you like.” Which makes me think Heat is actually what she has planned for dessert after a full English breakfast — if you know what I mean, and I think you do — but oh, that’s right: Troll in the dungeon!
Emily’s vodka-addled mind is still trying to piece the whole thing together when Mandy lets out a little snore and starts mumbling in her sleep about “Fee-fi-fo-fum.” Naomi gives Emily a sympathetic look and goes, “Has she been threatening to grind your bones to bread all night?”
Emily is finally just like, “What?”
So Naomi spells it out that Emily and Mandy got trashed at some party, so Naomi slept on the couch with Panda. Naomi figures it’s her bedroom, so she walks over and lifts the covers to find that Mandy is just absolutely naked. She’s shocked, but masks the wobble by noting that Mandy’s “tits are nice — for a straight girl,” and then says again how it’s a good thing that Mandy is, in fact, straight; otherwise, Emily might have “gotten, you know, tempted.”
There are two ways to say “You might have gotten tempted.” The first is a joke you and your girlfriend are both in on, like: “I’ve made you a five-course dinner, or would you rather just have a sh-t sandwich?” And the other is a question you’re too scared to ask — and to her credit Emily rightly interprets Naomi’s comment as the second thing. She assures Naomi (and herself) that she was wrecked by the time they got into bed. Naomi agrees and feels better, but is still slightly distressed because Emily didn’t answer secret question number three: Do you want to sleep with anyone besides me?
Answer: No. And I’m not even sure Emily knew it for sure until she woke up in bed beside Mandy.
We correctly interpreted that the biggest lie to ever caress Emily’s lips, but I’m not sure even Emily understood how incredibly untrue it was at the time. She was thinking about level playing fields and reciprocal turmoil and just … blood everywhere. So in a few minutes when Mandy asks Emily, “What have we been doing?” she misses the point entirely. The real question is, “What purpose have I been serving?” And the answer is: tourniquet.
Naomi kisses a still-bemused Emily on the forehead and tells her to take a shower.