“Skins” recap (4.04): Katie F–king Fitch and Who the F–k Are You?

And guess what? The theme has changed. So, Katie is all tarted up and the bridal party is wearing something inexplicable. Is it a sports theme? I don’t know. [Note: They're Bristol Rovers Reserves jerseys! Thank you, lovely commenters, for helping me and my pitiful American ignorance!] But the maid of honor/ Brandy’s BFF (who is dating Katie’s ex-boyfriend) "forgot" to make her a matching outfit.

The Beast gets up to toast Brandy and out-grosses every parent ever in the history of television: "Brandy, I am so proud of you. You’ve grown up to be a sexy, arousing woman. What with the wedding, and now the baby, you’ve exceeded all my expectations." She asks everyone to raise their glasses to "Brandy-licious" and she’s totally wearing some kind of tiny, gaudy, sequined tea hat, and is just … straight from hell.

Pregnant? Yep. Pissed? Yep. Katie calls Brandy out about it, in the loo, like, "So, fetal alcohol syndrome, that’s a real thing." And Brandy is all, "Meh, whatever." Which is kind of the worst possible attitude to take with someone who just found out she can’t have kids.

Outside the toilets, Katie runs into Freddy and Effy, and Effy’s eyes say "nice outfit," and the maid of honor starts bossing Katie around and then she pushes her into Freddie’s lap and makes some kind of first form blow job joke, and it’s this perfect storm of everything Katie never wanted to happen. All of her insecurities and darkest fears laid bare in front of all the wrong people.

But things go from zero to awesome in about millisecond.

Katie stands up, follows the maid of honor to the dance floor, trips her, and when she gets in Katie’s face, all "Who the f–k do you think you are?" she literally clocks her and goes, "I’m Katie f–king Fitch. Who the f–k are you?" (Meg Prescott! Yowzah!)

Effy is sort of half-impressed/half-turned on so she follows Katie outside and teaches her how to smoke.

Back home, the Fitch family has to make a break for it when the foreclosure people show up to take back their possessions. Jenna says they’ve got nowhere to go, but Katie tells her there is one place they could try.

OK, you guys, deep breath. I am supposed to be keeping these mini-caps appropriately mini, but we’re only just getting to the Naomily scenes and you know I’m going to anatomize them, so if you need to take a break and have a glass of water or something, go ahead. I’ll be drunk here when you get back.

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