Don’t judge the number on this list! Six is my lucky number. Or am I just saying that six is my lucky number as an April fool’s joke? You can’t be sure what is or isn’t true today, can you? Now that I have made you paranoid, here are my Top Six Moments in Entertainment that I wish were just bad pranks rather than true events.
6. Anne Heche Phones Home
Anne Heche has had some public ups and downs but nothing shines so bright as her attempt to board the Mothership.
In 2000, Heche (aka Celestia, aka AreYouKiddingMe?!) was found wandering in a rural area outside Fresno wearing only a bra and shorts (attire only acceptable for Dinah Shore weekend). AreYouKiddingMe?! rang a stranger’s doorbell and requested directions to a gateway into outer space and then asked if she could use their shower. (I always freshen up before exiting the planet.)
5. Cher Retires…
…again and again and again. The artist only known by one name (and Mama Bear to Chastity Bono, pictured below sporting a mullet) has been entertaining the world for over 40 years. She won an Academy Award, Grammy Award, Emmy Award and three Golden Globes.
Sadly, Cher hung her wigs up for good during her Farewell Tour in April 2005 at the Hollywood Bowl. We miss you Cher we miss you … but wait! We will NOT miss you anymore because you’re back in effect at Caesar’s Palace performing the
Cher Resurrection Cher Returns tour!
You tricked us Cher! We thought you were going to sit home in a rocking chair crocheting until death came knocking at your door. Good one Cher! You really April-fooled us this time! (P.S. more butt tattoos, please.)
4. Winona Ryder Needs to Borrow Five Bucks
In 2002, Hollywood’s not so-girl next door Winona Ryder was convicted of stealing $5,500 in clothing from Saks Fifth Ave. The two-time Academy Award nominee has worked with Tim Burton and sex goddess Angelina Jolie, yet all she ever wanted was a petite oyster-colored sweater set.
In one afternoon, Ryder set pixies back 20 years. Tinkerbell is the only one we can trust now.
3. Whitney Houston Marries Bobby Brown
2. Tila Tequila chooses a
Tila Tequila (her God-given name, psych!) picked Bobby Banhart over Dani Campbell in the season finale of the intoxicating yet trashy MTV series A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila.
I, like many others, were not surprised by her decision, just disappointed. Shockingly, Ms. Tequila and her beau are no longer together. We all know who the real winner (Dani) is, and the real winner will be at Dinah Shore in Palm Springs this weekend!
1. Arrested Development Is Canceled For Good!
The fan favorite odd-ball series Arrested Development had an on-again-off again relationship with the television set from 2003-2006. Since debuting in 2003, the series received six Emmys, one Golden Globe, 38 additional award nominations, critical acclaim, a cult fan base,and was listed on Time Magazine’s 100 Greatest Shows of All Time. Yet the show never climbed in the ratings, and therefore closed up shop for good without any full-frontal nudity from Portia de Rossi (wait, did I actually write that? awkward … April Fools! Come on you were thinking the same thing!)
Rest in peace, Arrested Development. You were a good little solider while you lasted.