Shocker: Rachel Maddow’s true identity revealed!

Last Friday, right-wing Tea Party pundit Billy Bob Neck, who, according to his website, “gets down on his knees every morning to thank God for the the good things in life and humbly ask Him to wipe liberals off the face of the earth,” revealed a shocking secret.

Neck took to his YouTube channel to inform the public of Rachel Maddow‘s true identity. Look out, Sophie-Anne Leclerq — you might be the Vampire Queen of Louisiana, but can you handle the Vampire Queen of New York?

After stating that Maddow is a lesbian with “a neck thick like Bull Connor,” Billy Bob Neck pointed out two curious blemishes near her jawline. The evidence is could only lead to one conclusion. Said Neck, “Those are the bites of a vampire.”

“MSNBC — this socialist, nazi, bolshevik channel hired a lesbian vampire and put her on when little kids can see her! We are lettin’ a lesbian vampire comment on America!”

Although she could have denied the accusation, Maddow decided to handle the situation honestly and openly by outing herself — as a vampire. Revealing a pair of Hollywood-white fangs, she confessed that she is indeed a bloodsucking queen of the night before she sought refuge from the harsh lighting.

This revelation doesn’t change my perception of Maddow, as long as she promises not to feed on the blood of puppies or babies. I only hope that she can use her political influence and brains to do good, like banishing that Edward Cullen twit from the big screen forever, or using her supreme intelligence to help figure out what the hell is up with all those pesky werewolves that keep popping up near Bon Temps, Louisiana.

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OK, now that you’ve seen Rachel in on the joke, you should know that Neck is a satirical character created by liberal comedian Paul Day. But how amazing was it that “Rachel Maddow” and “lesbian vampire” were ever considered in the same sentence?

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