She Said What? is a weekly online lesbian entertainment
EPISODE 7 (February 16, 2006) Comedian Judy Gold, gay and lesbian cruises, and the etiquette of online dating.
Lauren: Hi and welcome to She Said What?, an online lesbian talk show. Today we have Judy Gold, taking a break from her one-woman show, “25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.” So tell us about your show.
Judy: Well, you know my show is… I’m very proud of my show. We worked on it for 6 years. I worked it with Kate Moira Ryan, who’s a lezzie playwright, lezzie. We interviewed Jewish mothers all over the country because, you know, I’m gay, and I’m a Jew and I’m a mother, and you know, I just really kinda wanted to see where I fit in and I had so many conflicting feelings about being a practicing Jew and a mother and being a comedian, um… Oh I mean a practicing Jew and a gay, a gay.
Lauren: And practicing gay.
Judy: And being a comedian and a mother, you know.
Staceyann: So do you play all the characters on the show?
Judy: I play all the uh… yeah.
Staceyann: How many people are in the show?
Judy: Hm. I think there’s about 12 or 13 women. We ask them each 25 questions, that’s why the name of it is “25 Questions for J…” But we interviewed 50 plus, and so we have a book coming out, which has a lot more of the women, and more intense interviews in it. I interviewed these really religious orthodox women, and I was really nervous. I was like “okay, you know, they’re gonna be really judgmental, they’re gonna, they’re not gonna.” I actually did not come out to them, in the begin… you know I was pregnant, and um… they thought I had a husband.
Lauren: Of course.
Judy: And I was like “oh okay, uh huh.” And I didn’t say it, I just didn’t say anything. I thought “Oh my god. How can I hide my family from these people just because I’m afraid of what they’re going to think of me?” So I ended up coming out to these women, and it was the most liberating, free, cause it was really coming out to myself because I was so conflicted about the Jew thing and the gay thing.
Staceyann: There were no quintessential “oy vey’s“ or anything like that.
Judy: You know, we all thought it was gonna… no, it wasn’t. We all thought it was gong be like “so, you know you want some rugula and some soup and …” The only thing, the only stereotypical thing was they all had food when we interviewed, and they all spoke to their kids everyday.
Chagmion: What’s new? What’s coming up next for you?
Judy: Well my book is coming out, 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother. What, I need ALL eyes on me, end scene. Uh… thank you… uh my book’s coming out, the show’s gonna go on tour, um…
Sarah: How do you do that with a kid?
Judy: Dsuh. I have two kids.
Sarah: Sorry, how do you do it with kids.
Judy: Well, you know my ex lives in my building.
Judy: Yeah I got her an apartment. I can’t, I can’t not see my kids.
Sarah: Convenient yet scary.
Judy: She goes to her girlfriend’s house, like when she doesn’t, when the kids aren’t sleeping there she’s at her girlfriend’s house, I don’t know. Well I’ll go for a week or two and come back, like when I did standup, it’s fine. And then she’ll yell at me and tell me that I’m a really bad mother even though I’m not. Anyway, uh… so I’m gonna do, the book’s coming out, I’m gonna do the Rosie cruise again, uh…
Chagmion: How was that?
Judy: You know I gotta tell you something. First of all it was, it’s like magic. It’s like, if the way you want the world to be. My kids love the cru… I mean, it’s like… I can’t even describe the atmosphere, people, when it’s over, are just hysterically crying like they don’t want it to end. The kids walk around and meet other kids with same sex parents and they don’t feel like freaks. You know, and it’s just for them to be around this, and this is the norm, like this is, for a week they don’t have to hide anything. And I think a lot of these people live in communities where they are completely closeted. And then they get on this cruise and they’re, they are like… the love, you see these, these families with handicapped kids, a lot of multiracial families, and no one judges, there’s no judgment it’s like “this is your mom, this is your dad, this is your other mom, this is your other dad.” No one says “oh your kid’s black and you’re white so that’s not really your kid.” I mean it’s just, it’s the most, I can’t even tell you it’s the most accepting, beautiful feeling. And the kids just eat it up.
Chagmion: You’re a comedian.
Chagmion: And you negotiate that fine line between what’s ok, what’s not ok…
Chagmion: you have a certain um… you almost have carte blanche to say whatever you want.
Chagmion: And you can broach topics that most people or most you know, even political figures, priest, whatever, you name it… they can’t talk about.
Chagmion: So when you’re up there on stage, how do you know, like when do you know that “n-ah, maybe I’ve gone too far?”
Judy: Well, I… nothing’s off limits, I totally believe in freedom of speech. But I also feel like I have a responsibility as a woman, as a gay person, as a mother, uh, you know, not to promote stereotypes. And I really think that you can feel when you’re in front of an audience whether they get you or whether they’re laughing because “oh that’s suppose to be funny” or, you know you can tell if your audience is taking you too seriously, or like “yueah!”
Chagmion: Do you think Michael Richards might have thought that…
Judy: Urgh. First of all I have to say I totally believe that he has a right to say whatever he wants. But if you’ve ever been heckled as a comic, it is, and being told “you’re not funny”, “you suck”, it’s like, I can’t tell you the feeling of, you know you’re naked up there, you’re tr… it’s the only job where you get on stage, and people try to [bleep] you up. Like that, it’s not like you know you go, you’re going to your accounting firm and someone’s like 5478 while you’re trying to add up the numbers.
Judy: This is the only job where you’re, you really, you work your whole life to get on stage and people are like “you suck!” “[bleep] you!” Is it ok what he said do I agree what he said I totally don’t agree with every[bleep]thing he said. Do I would I ever act like do I condone his behavior? Absolutely not.
Staceyann: You said every topic is fair game and you seem to be able to kind of take almost every topic and make it funny.
Judy: It’s about, you know what it is? It’s about having a point of view. If you don’t have a point of view you have no right to discuss the topic.
Staceyann: Well the LGBT community has been going through this, this huge kind of conversation around the trans issue…
Staceyann: and [inaudible] every time I hear someone talking about the trans issue then it’s a very serious issue. We don’t poke fun at it in a way that we poke fun of being lesbian, or being…
Judy: Oh I’ve poked fun. I remember my uh my web mistress is a trans. I think he’s… yeah she’s a pre-op trans. I always say he or she I don’t know what the [bleep] she is.
Judy: Anyway, but apparently she was in my audience and I was like “what’s your [bleep] story” and she’s like “well I’m going through…” I said “well which way you goin’?” Like, you know, I don’t hide anything, I always say what I’m thinking, but…
Sarah: I think that there’s a lot of resentment building among the lesbian community, among the non-trans lesbian community, about feeling like… I think it’s one of the things a) that happens within minority groups when they’re sort of struggle for media attention and only one gets it, so there’s a little bit of competitiveness. But I also do think a lot of lesbians resent the idea that we will, we automatically understand trans issues…
Sarah: more than say an average straight person would. We obviously, I think most lesbians believe that trans folks should have political rights, civil rights, that’s not the issue.
Sarah: It’s that our entertainment would be the same? It’s like saying that, that Chagmion and I because she’s a minority and pretend she was straight, because she’s black and straight and I’m gay and white, that we’re gonna wanna watch the same movies because we’re both repressed.
Judy: You know, who’s to say just because you’re gay you like the same kind of thing. I mean there’s, I have so many friends that are completely like… We’re all lumped together.
Sarah: Here’s the bottom line. I think the problem is that most of the lesbians, a lot of the lesbians feel like gender and sexuality are two different things and most lesbians I know don’t have an issue with their gender. And they sympathize with folks who do, but they don’t necessarily relate to that, just because they’re lesbian.
Judy: Right, right.
Sarah: And it’s that assumption by the mainstream media and by some of the gay community that I think a lot of the lesbians resent.
Judy: Right. It’s like pigeonholing everyone into “ok so you have this issue, I’m gonna put you with this group of people.”
Staceyann: So Judy how do we fix this?
Judy: I don’t need, I don’t need that face, alright?
Staceyann: Where’s your pool? Where do you fish from, so to speak?
Judy: My pool??
Judy: I wish I had a [bleep] pool, alright? Get me a girl, don’t you think I, I want a girlfriend so bad.
Staceyann: You need a nice Christian girl.
Judy: No. I want a Jew.
Lauren: You need a nice Jewish girl.
Stacyeann: I mean, just to make the family problems more, you know… eclectic.
Judy: It’s just easier.
Sarah: Have you had better luck dating Jewish girls?
Judy: I HARDLY EVER GO ON DATES!
Judy: I really feel bad about asking people for pictures. BUT, I kinda wanna see what, I feel, I wanna be on an even playing field.
Lauren: Chemistry is important, you need to be attracted to somebody.
Staceyann: What do you mean even?
Sarah: You want to know what she looks like.
Judy: Yeah. They all know what I look like and I don’t know what they look like.
Lauren: So she wants…
Judy: So I’d like to know what they look like, and I’m not… I’m… it’s… for me, I swear to god, it is all about the personality, I really, I’ve never, but I’d like to know what people look like.
Staceyann: So what does online dating look like? Do you, do you, do you meet online…
Judy: Oh god. I just started for a week.
Chagmion: Picture is a lie, picture is a lie. There’s a t-shirt out now that I saw the other day. It said “you looked better on myspace.” I mean, how do you, even if you’re looking at pictures, how do you know, what are you drawn to?
Judy: I’m really drawn to, you know, smarts and sense of humor. And, like…
Chagmion: No but physically, if you have a picture in front of you…
Judy: Well physically (gestures)…
Lauren: You know physically when the picture says “1982” on the bottom.
Judy: You know what , I … I mean, you know, my girlfriends come in all… my, the huge amount of girlfriends that I’ve had…
Staceyann: So the picture doesn’t matter!
Chagmion: What you just said, what you just said though…
Judy: IT DOESN’T HAVE TO DO WITH WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE! I need a reference point!
Chagmion: Hey, shut the hell up, all of you.
Staceyann: So you NEED to know what they look like then. So why the [bleep] does it matter?
Judy: I wanna know what they [bleep] look like.
Lauren: She just needs to know she’s talking to a person, not a wall or screen. It’s like you just want to know that…
Judy: I’d just like to know, is that horrible?
Sarah: No! You gotta be ok with kids. You gotta be mature, in mind, not physically.
Judy: Just funny. Funny, funny, funny.
Lauren: Smart, and funny.
Judy: Someone’s gonna give it right back to me. Have your own… you have to have friends in your own life.
Staceyann: Are you racially motivated?
Lauren, Judy, Sarah: Racially motivated?
Staceyann: Yeah, that’s a nice way of saying would you date a black girl, would you date an Asian girl.
Lauren: She already said she hates blacks and Asians.
Judy: Well I hate blacks and Asians. But if I fall in love with them, totally.
Chagmion: So where are they sending this information to?
Lauren: Post it.
Staceyann: They’re gonna post it on the message board.
Judy (caughing): Oh my god!
Lauren: Judy’s having a heart attack!
Staceyann: And send a picture, she says.
Judy: Just so I, you know.
Staceyann: It’s ok, own up to your, like, you know.
Sarah: Ok kids, stop. You’re really overcomplicating this.
Judy: But it’s really through the writing I think I could fall in love… I could fall in love with (gesturing typing) their, you know, email.
Lauren: So post away. I think that’s all the time we have today for “She Said…