Meanwhile, Lauretta confronts Renee and asks why Helen is getting clients and she isn’t. Renee recognizes this question as yet another manifestation of the Lauretta-Helen girl fight and tells her to stuff it. Then they decide to bond by going shopping. Hooray!
Next, Helen takes shy Kathy to a bar filled with men. “Kathy, if I were to put a gun to your head and said you had to try to pick up somebody at this bar, how would you feel?” asks Helen. Kathy responds, “I’d just refuse to do it.” And we have another nominee for the Darwin Awards. Helen then tells Kathy to approach a guy and just say, “Hi.” Kathy’s face turns sheet white and she looks like she is about to pee. Helen walks up to a guy at the bar, Kathy in tow, and starts to chat the guy up, hoping that Kathy will join in. Kathy does not and instead sits there petrified. “We have to start with ground zero with her,” says Helen.
Back to DJ Douchebag. “There’s someone genuine behind all that flash and pizazz,” says Meredith. I cannot tell if she is being serious, because the editors have absolutely nothing to work with. As Meredith says, “flash,” the camera zooms in on Douchie’s decidedly unflashy T-shirt and sidewalk-vendor-quality bling, and when she says “pizazz,” the camera pans to Douchismo plastic-y goggles and blank stare. Dooshball proceeds to talk about himself and the sheer awesomeness of his existence, which appears to exist solely in his own head. “I think he’s delusional,” says Meredith.
Meredith walks up to a cute blonde at the bar and makes the introduction. “He’s a DJ,” she tells the blonde. “Oh, my ex-boyfriend is a DJ,” replies the blonde, immediately repulsed. “What do you think about DJs?” asks Meredith. Says the blonde, “They’re promiscuous — or they try to be. Some of them can’t really be.” Womp womp! Douchey D forges ahead and rambles on and on about “that explosive factor when I walk into a place,” which is probably the overpowering stench of Axe body spray. Finally the blonde gives the final thumbs down. “I just don’t care,” she says. You missed last call! Party’s over! Please make your way to the exits and go home!
Next, Helen takes Kathy out to another bar, and nothing happens. Literally, nothing happens except a few minutes of awkward, so there is no point in discussing it.
Meredith then enlists Lauretta as an undercover single lady to chat up DJ Dud. As predicted, he keeps talking about himself and drops Russell Simmons’ name within the first 15 seconds of the conversation. DJ Dodo slinks back to Meredith who reveals that Lauretta is working undercover to narc the narcissist. Lauretta jumps in and tells him that he is suffering from an emotional disconnect. “I don’t get it,” says DJ Dunce. “What’s disconnected about me?” Oh, I don’t know. Perhaps your brain from the rest of your body?