This is the story of a dating coach and her team of professional wingmen who have managed to lower the bar of what is considered professional behavior to somewhere between that of the prepubescent cast of Jon and Kate Plus Eight and the cast of Bad Girls Club. They’re the Setup Squad! Hooray!
The first client is Evan, a 26-year-old straight guy who appears to be hung up on his college girlfriend. As he mentions her, his eyes mist over, and he mutters something about dating not being a priority for him. “That bitch burned him bad,” remarks Helen. Lauretta is assigned to Evan to readjust his attitude.
Next is Olivia, a laser engineer whose dating strategy is blowing away potential suitors like the Death Star if they do not have the IQ of Stephen Hawking. Of course, this is New York City, a town where everyone thinks they are clever, but believing you are genius does not make it so. Needless to say, she is single. Helen is assigned to soften the approach of Ms. Roboto.
But before the team goes to help clients become better daters like they are supposed to, Lauretta complains to Renee that she wants to go up to Jonathan and “rip his heart out” for telling her personal business to Helen. Renee looks like she wants to rip her own ears off. After all, “babysitting” and “free therapy” aren’t in her job description.
Helen takes Olivia to a bar, where she meets a man whose entire family is comprised of scientists. Olivia heart swells with hope. “Oh!“ she says. “Oh!“ she says again. After orgasming all over the table, she asks what he does. “I’m the black sheep of the family,“ he says. “I went to law school.“ Oh! Oh! No! Olivia walks away, because clearly, he is a dimwit. None of the other guys in the bar impress her at all, and after telling one guy that she wants to combine several laser beams together to blow up the planet and telling a group of guys, haltingly, that she wants “to write about science, because science is awesome,” she leaves the bar alone. Pew! Pew! The Rebel Forces have defeated the Death Star.
Then Jonathan goes to Renee to ask advice about his own relationship. Renee takes this opportunity to put on the “babysitter” hat and tells Jonathan to stop gossiping about Lauretta. Then she switches in the “therapist” hat and tells Jonathan to spend some quality time with his boyfriend and suggests date night. So many hats, so little appreciation. Renee needs to give herself a raise.
Lauretta takes Evan to a bar, where he is successful in picking up two women. They ask him to go out dancing. His response is to abort the mission and walk away. Lauretta is confused, because the ladies basically dangled a carrot in front of a starving rabbit, and the rabbit decided to wander away and eat a whole lotta nothing. Evan tells Lauretta that getting someone’s number isn’t worth the effort, because then you have to decide whether to text or call her later. Amazing. Texting someone is really difficult, almost as difficult as running a marathon — or watching this episode.
Jonathan and Zach go on their date night to solidify their relationship, but they end up contemplating breaking up instead. Jonathan runs to Helen to vent. Helen doesn’t know what it is like to be in a two year relationship, so she smiles at Jonathan blankly.
Lauretta sits Evan down and tries to figure out his hangups about calling women he finds attractive. He rambles on about having to wait a few days before calling. Or maybe not because you’ll look like a jerk. Or maybe you should wait. Or not. Or maybe? And never call a woman on a Wednesday night. Why? Because you’re too busy watching reruns of America’s Next Top Model? To Evan, getting someone’s number is an “insignificant exchange.” So how are you going to get ass? Enlist Olivia to build a massive laser pointer to holla at women all over the city like the Bat Signal? Evan has more issues than Time magazine.
Helen takes Olivia to what appears to be a middle school science lab and asks her to pour various liquids into containers filled with white powder. Perplexingly, Helen chooses vodka as one of the liquids, thereby wasting a perfectly good cocktail base. The vinegar and baking soda mixture splilleth over and Helen tells Olivia, “You never know what will turn you on!” (On another note, most of the ingredients to make crack cocaine were on that table. All you need is another type of white powder. Don’t ask me why I know that.) Finally, Helen tells Olivia to wear sexier clothes to the next outing. Olivia is shy at first but agrees.
Since Helen feels a little out of her element counseling Jonathan about his problems with Zach, she tells Meredith about Jonathan’s relationship woes, hoping that Meredith can provide some insight. Meredith, as we all know, is in a long term relationship with Lover Randi in Los Angeles, and during this entire episode she looks like she would much rather be 3,000 miles away with her boo than being in the same room with the rest of the clowns on her team. I would, too. In fact, I would be anywhere that isn’t in the company of the squabbling members of Wings, Inc. — like a mental institution, for example.