“Setup Squad” recap: Episode One

 
 

New York City, a city of eight million basket cases all looking to find other basket cases with whom they can go into Hell — or a fab condo in Hell’s Kitchen — in a mutually agreeable handbasket. Millions of people who hope to fall in love and raise designer pooches and designer babies are in the market, but it’s a jungle out here, and even the smoothest lothario has his work cut out for him. No matter what, there is always someone smarter, better looking, and more charming that you. If one person doesn’t work out within the first five minutes or the first five years there is always another bright new shiny prospect around the corner.

So if the hottest of the hot and the ballin’-est of the ballers are hustling like an ice cream truck in the middle of January, what about the awkward messes who are as far away from closing the deal as Gigli was away from closing in on an Oscar?

Meet the professional wingmen and wingwomen of Wings, Inc., and New York City based dating agency that helps hapless singles in the Big Apple reach into the inner recesses of their awkward souls and find the seed that will allow them to blossom into beautiful flowers who can attract the birds and the bees — or at least help them speak to another grown adult without urinating in their panties or briefs in terror.

Meet Renee, owner of Wings, Inc., who is a living testament that walking around in the pothole and gravel ridden streets of NY in inconveniently high stilettos wasn’t just a fabrication of the creators of Sex and the City.

Meet Jonathan, a sassy yet mellow gay man who has perfected Zoolander’s trademark look, “Blue Steel.”

 

Meet Lauretta, a diva whose personality is about ten times bigger than her weave, which is already formidable. As they say, the bigger the hair, the closer to God.

Meet Meredith, the lesbian wingwoman whose wardrobe appears to be bigger than Kanye West’s ego. In the opening sequence, as she flashes across the screen holding a cocktail, the narrator purrs, “Sometimes they’re sweet.” Then the camera pans to Lauretta sticking her leg out and tripping Meredith as she’s sipping said cocktail, and the narrator says, “Sometimes’s they’re just a little bit naughty.” Listen lady, you don’t disturb a lesbian when she’s enjoying a drink, because she will turn from a “sweet” little mogwai into a vicious gremlin. I’ve seen it happen. Just sayin’.


Oh look, it’s the flying lesbian

Then there’s Helen, a little Korean lady with dimples. Don’t be fooled by the dimples. I will explain later.

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