Jonathan and Helen go shopping, and Helen tells Jonathan that Renee has assigned her to be Lauretta’s client. Jonathan’s jaw drops and then he giggles with joy – as any true friend would do. You can see the cogs turn in his mind. Pop Secret or Orville Redenbacher? Can I be a fly on the wall? Can I film it and sell it? Wait, don’t they outlaw snuff films? “Blood will be shed in the name of getting you laid!” squeals Jonathan. “Think of the joy your pain is going to bring me when you call me and tell me everything!”
Next, Meredith takes Linden to RF Lounge, where they approach two ladies named Caroline and Erin. Meredith has been coaching Linden on reading non-verbal cues, such as playing with one’s hair, licking one’s lips and ripping one’s shirt off and launching oneself at her. (Ok, maybe not the last one, but I have been dense enough in the past where it took the final non verbal cue to clue me in. Truth!) Linden has her eye out for Caroline, and that’s good, because Erin, if you’re reading this, call me!
Caroline proceeds to play with her hair, lick her lips, and make eye contact with Linden, who looks like a deer in headlights. “It’s like awkward conversations we’re having!” she tells Meredith, who decides to step in and move everything forward. Meredith tells Caroline and Linden to write their phone numbers on a piece of paper. Linden looks like she is about to faint. See, Meredith is all thinking, “Mmm mmm gurl, I got no time for this. I gotta get back uptown and get my hair did for a Skype date with Lover Randi.”
Lauretta takes Neal to a bar and coaches him on how to flirt. Then she tells him to approach a real, live female, and he manages to maintain eye contact throughout the conversation. He even touches her briefly, and she doesn’t run away shrieking. “He touched her – a little robotic, but at least he did it! We’re taking baby steps. Tiny. Tiny. Smaller than baby steps.” says Lauretta. At the end of the conversation, the woman agrees to go to Neal’s show the following Monday, and he gets her number. Mission accomplished.
Meredith takes Linden to an art class and – surprise! – she also invites Caroline. The first few minutes are tense. Meredith pulls Linden aside and gives her a pep talk, challenging her to seal the deal. Linden watches the clock tick, praying that the paint fumes will get her high enough not to care. Eventually, though, she tells Caroline that she is hungry and asks her whether she wants to get something to eat afterwards. Even before Linden finishes the sentence, Caroline says yes. It is unclear whether she said this because she wants to go out with Linden or whether she wants the camera out of her face, but it’s another win for Meredith.
Renee has the team over for dinner, and almost immediately, Lauretta and Helen start growling at one another. Says Jonathan, “The two of you are going to fight in Renee’s house? The best behaved bitch in the room is her dog!” Meredith starts cursing at Lauretta and Renee to cool it, and then Jonathan threatens to quit unless the terrible two stop polluting the atmosphere. Oy vey.
The last two lines in Jay-Z’s NYC anthem “Empire State of Mind” are as follows, “MDMA got you feelin’ like a champion / The city never sleeps better slip you an Ambien.” After watching this segment though, I’d change the lyrics to this: “Everybody acting like one day from a Tampax / The bitches here be crazy, better slip them a Xanax.”
Setup Squad airs Mondays on LOGO.