“Seed” recap (1.2): Zygote Problems

When the second episode of Seed opens, Harry and Billy are staring at each other over a hand of playing cards. 

“Full house!” Harry says as he triumphantly reveals his cards. But that doesn’t faze Billy.

“Do you have any threes?”

“That’s not how poker works.” Harry explains.

Still not fazed. “There’s a dead squirrel outside!” Billy exclaims. “You want to dissect it?” Billy asks.

But Harry has other ideas, “How about we bond over some television, instead.”

“OK! There’s a new Murder She Wrote on today.”

This kid is a ball of positive energy. He’s so excited to spend time with Harry that even getting excluded from the cool kid, Jacob Hammersteen’s, birthday party won’t bring him down.

When Zoey finds out that Billy wasn’t invited, she threatens to call Jacob’s parents, but Harry assures her this will have the opposite effect she is hoping for.

Michelle comes home and is disappointed to discover that Harry is still there. “We said one hour twice a week.” She says through clenched teeth. “He knows I hate him, right?”

Zoey gives Michelle a kiss hello, to which Harry says, “Oh. I thought that was going to look sexier.”

Now, I kinda hate him a little. But, he does have a point about Billy’s planned Show & Tell presentation. Harry insists that the best way to win over the cool kid is to have a stand out Show & Tell presentation and Billy’s current presentation is on smallpox. Not cool. When Zoe suggests that Billy bring in the Unity quote the family created, Harry has to practically bite his fist to keep from cursing. “Are you kidding me?!?”

small pox

“Can you help with Show & Tell, Dad?” Billy asks.

“Dad? Harry’s only your sperm donor,” Michelle reminds him.

“Yeah. Remember how it works, sweetie? The egg is fertilized by the sperm,” Zoey adds. Billy nods, but the distinction clearly doesn’t matter to him. Harry offer to fill Billy in on the rest of the “cool stuff,” but is shot down by Billy’s Moms with one look.

sex talk

The next day, Billy is brainstorming Show & Tell ideas with his parents and Harry. He runs into the room with a pelt in his hand. “How about I present on taxidermy?”

Zoey is encouraging. “Oh, creative!”

Harry is not. “Pass!”

“How about a book report on Carrie?” Billy suggests. “I can reenact my favorite scene and pour blood on myself.”

“I don’t hate it,” offers Harry.

“Keep ‘em coming buddy!” Michelle says. Billy runs out of the room to research more ideas.

This is where I pause in the recap and ask: Does it seem odd to anyone else that Harry is not allowed to curse in front of Billy or explain sex to him, but Billy is allowed to read, and possibly watch the movie adaptation of Stephen King’s Carrie? I know the kid is smart and mature for his age and all, but that seems a little contradictory. But Harry is too preoccupied with the fact there is a new “sperm mom” to ponder this question. You see, Rose, stopped by the bar earlier and told Harry that she accidentally chose him to be his sperm donor, and he’s freaking out just a little.

Zoey asks Harry what he is going to do to support Rose and Michelle seizes this opportunity to push Harry out of their lives. She encourages Harry to be involved saying, “I know are going to be a great Dad to this baby.”

Michelle supports Harry

Harry runs off to see Anastasia’s parents feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. (They believe in me! They really believe in me!) But when Zoey asks Michelle if she meant what she said, Michelle confesses that she didn’t. “But we have to make him somebody else’s problem.”

Whatever issues Michelle (or I) might have with Harry, he is very dedicated to Billy and helping him become more popular by finding the perfect Show & Tell presentation. He even asks Janet and Jonathon, Anastasia’s parents, if they have anything Billy can use. They give him a replica of a volcano (that erupts and blows ash on a replica of Pompeii) in exchange for him taking an IQ test in order to prove that Anastasia isn’t flunking French because of him and his lackluster DNA.

When Anastasia comes in and shares the news that she might be getting a baby brother or sister, Janet has the same idea as Michelle. She tries to push Harry off on Rose by telling him that he is legally responsible for Rose’s child and implies that Harry needs to support her. When Jonathan, a lawyer, whispers to Janet that this isn’t true, she says, “Shh! Let’s make him somebody else’s problem.”

Harry meets Rose at the bar to give her his list of demands. For instance, if he is going to financially support the baby, he wants to pick out the name. “I missed out on Anastasia and Billy. Anastasia sounds like a stripper. Billy sounds like a goat.”

Rose informs him that she doesn’t expect a dime from him. He’s the father but not the father. She’s having the baby on her own and doesn’t want him involved at all. Harry resists this notion, claiming that all the parents want him involved. As a matter of fact, he has to be at Billy’s school today for Show & Tell. Billy’s future depends on it. Wait a minute! It’s 2:20! He has to be at Billy’s school in 10 minutes!

Cut to: Billy at school listening to the cool kid, Jacob Hammersteen, play the muted trumpet. Billy pulls out his pocket watch to check the time and mutters, “Good grief.”

It is at this point that I decide that I am officially in love with this kid. He watches Murder, She Wrote, enjoys taxidermy, uses a pocket watch and says things like “good grief.” He’s like a little old man trapped in a 9-year-old’s body! I’m going to go ahead and say it: When it comes to cute little kids raised by lesbian moms, Billy just might beat out Judicorn. Just maybe.

Rose gives Harry and the volcano a ride to Billy’s school, and they arrive just in time. As Harry exits the car, Rose reiterates that Harry has no parental obligations to her “maybe baby” at all, and Harry is visibly relieved. Hurt and angry that Harry is so happy to be let off the hook, Rose accidentally puts the car in reverse, runs over Harry and destroys the volcano.

Out of time, Billy is called to the front of the room for his Show & Tell presentation. As he begins to present on small pox, Harry rushes in to save the day. Billy and Harry improvise a funny and heartwarming presentation on sperm donation and what it’s like to have a donor dad. It goes a little something like this:

Harry: See, Billy’s moms really wanted a kid.
Jacob: That’s stupid. My dad says that women should only be with men.
Harry: Well, your dad is an idiot. This is a perfect arrangement. I get to have a great kid without having a nagging wife or a dead-end marriage. How many of you know what a dead-end marriage is?

Half the kids in the class raise their hands. Then, the teacher reluctantly raises her hand.

Harry: See? Most married people hate each other. But, not Billy’s moms!
Billy: At the clinic, there is a book of people who want to be my dad.
Harry: But they chose me. (He points to himself) Winner!

Everything is going well until blood starts pouring down Harry’s face. It seems that he was injured in the car accident more than he thought. However, starry-eyed Billy thinks the blood was arranged for his benefit.

“My favorite scene from Carrie! You thought of everything!” he exclaims. Harry collapses and all of the kids scream.

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