“Rizzoli & Isles” Very Special Lesbian Episode Recap (1.06): “I Kissed a Girl”

Later that night, Rizzoli and Isles go on a super spectacular double date with their super spectacular beards. Rizzoli tells a story about violently tackling a naked guy, to a guy who wants to see her naked. Isles tepidly accepts a neck kiss from her smarmy yoga instructor. They give each other meaningful looks that say, “How fast can we ditch these losers and start making out?” And then Rizzoli suggests exactly that as she tells her date that, “Actually, it’s getting kind of late.”

Isles uses the “come with me to the restroom” ruse. Enough with the coded lesbian speak. Kiss already. They pretend to think their dates are sexy. But Rizzoli also says just because Jorge looks in yoga class doesn’t mean she’ll like how he looks in her bed. Only Isles looks sexy in her bed. Isles informs her that sex releases some sort of globulin that works on colds. So let that be the second lesson from this episode, kids: starve a fever, have sex with a cold.

We also learn that Isles carries around a shaving kit with her on dates. Because, ladies, you just never know, amiright?

Jorge uses you’re “like a racecar, finely tuned – beautiful, fast” as an actual pickup line. He also is a male nurse who wants to be a stay-at-home daddy. This show is like parents who can’t accept their daughter is gay and keep setting her up with tragically inappropriate men.

While questioning the burly bar bouncer, Isles interrupts Rizzoli to tell her the DNA came back and the murderer is a woman. What is this world coming to? Male nurses and women murderers – you see, this is why people voted for Nixon. Also, the victim was raped by a “non-biological phallic-shaped object.” Or, as Rizzoli helpfully clarifies under her breathe, “You mean a (whispers) dildo?” Murder by dildo. Well, that is a new one.

Turns out the victim spent lots of time on sites like Cupid4Girls.com and LipstickDate.com. The detectives ask why gays would work so hard to get married to do the same thing that straight couples do. Um, because gay marriages are just like straight marriages. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t, sometimes they end with the partners cheating on tackily named online dating sites.

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