“Rizzoli & Isles” Very Special Lesbian Episode Recap (1.06): “I Kissed a Girl”

 
 

Back at the world’s most poorly lit lesbian bar, Rizzoli struts in (she has brought the force’s most obviously gay officer with her) and lifts up her shirt to get her wire attached right in front of the bartender. So, naturally, she hits on her saying Rizzoli has “beautiful, dominant energy” and leaves her a standing offer if she is ever feeling “adventurous.” Isles, meanwhile, is dressed as a corset-wearing cocktail waitress. Rizzoli wants her to cover up her lady business, because no one should look at her woman but her.

A parade of bad lesbian dates happens next. The first date is wearing a jean jacket from 1993. The second date (out actress Deborah Stewart) says Rizzoli will break her heart. The third date works in a thigh graze. And the fourth date is the requisite creepy red herring. At one point Rizzoli catches an eyeful of what can only tactfully be called Isles’ amazing rack. I think we can safely say she had a “come to Jesus” moment.

But it turns out none of the dates matched the murderer. Instead, they find out the grieving widow has motive to the tune of $500,000.

The victim was diabetic and her insulin pump was tampered with. But the widow has an alibi (lesbian bowling, remember?). So Rizzoli heads back to the club to see the cute bartender, er, ask more questions. She notices her wearing soft yet tough deer-skin gloves while moving boxes. So how do we crack this one, Rizzoli? Flirt with the bartender, tell her you’re feeling adventurous. And the bartender’s reply to that obvious sexual invitation is to gently nuzzle her on the neck.

But it was all just a clever ploy to say, “Would you swab my neck for DNA?” to Isles. Blah, blah — wife conspired with her bartender lover to kill the inconvenient wife and make off with the inheritance. Rizzoli says it’s the “Same old story, kills the wife for the money.” OK, sure, so we’re just like straight people — we, too, can be horrible, money-grubbing cheaters with homicidal tendencies. Progress: isn’t it fantastic?

Back at yoga, Jorge thinks Rizzoli is a lesbian (because, dude, she is a lesbian) and then she and Isles push and flirt with each other until the screen fades to black.

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