“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (5.08): You want I should whack him?

The hitman finally reaches the electrical room and restarts the elevators. Jane sees this and runs down, grabbing her stomach the whole time. Yes, we’ve reached critical This Doesn’t Look Good levels.

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The team arrives – Nina with her iPad of Righteous Justice, too – and start to search for her. Maura does too, and dumb Beardy wants to come under the police tape with her. Sure, that seems like a good idea. A college engineering professor with zero police or medical experience will be super helpful in an active crime scene with a shooting in progress. Maura tells him no. Sit. Stay. Good dog. He gets a peck as a reward. Look, stupid animals need a reward to learn. (p.s. This is in no way a slam on canine intelligence. Dogs are smart, this guy – not so much.)

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So while he’s standing around like a dummy, Jane does something crazy heroic because – of course she does. She’s Det. Jane Rizzoli. She cuts the power and then comes at the hitman with a pipe. They fight, he hits her in the stomach and back. And then just as he is about to deliver a death blow – bang. The detectives arrive just in time and shoot him. Look, we all knew she wasn’t going to die and this dude was the laziest hitman ever, but it was still a pretty tense situation.

Outside Maura is holding Jane’s hand because that’s what you do when your girlfriend nearly dies. The EMTs wheel Tasha up to Jane’s gurney and they pause to have a moment. Look, this is very heartwarming but shouldn’t they rush her to a hospital, STAT? Arterial bleeds aren’t cured by warm fuzzy feelings.

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Case solved, damsel rescued – Jane stares lovingly at Maura. Yes, I think they deserve a little eye sex after a near-death experience. Maura leans over and tells her, “You did good, Jane. You did really good.” Wow, Maura must have been really shaken up. But we’ll let it pass because love means never having to say you’re sorry you used incorrect grammar in a moment of crisis.

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Now on to your #Gayzzoli tweets of the week. Twitter was acting weird this week and wouldn’t let me search all your tweets. So I apologize for missing some of your brilliant insults for Prof. Beard. But don’t worry, I felt them all and they warmed my heart.

And one more Bonus Tweet from Jan Nash heself:

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