“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (5.08): You want I should whack him?

Speaking of Maura, she walks into the Isles Estates in the middle of the afternoon. I bet in the back of her head she was hoping Jane would be there so they could have a little delight of their own. But instead she finds Mama R cleaning carrots and unsuccessfully cleaning off the baseball.


Maura, however, is excellent at cleaning herself and talks about her relaxing bath last night. And now we’re all just imagining Maura in the bath. Oh, dear. I’ve probably lost you guys to 20 minutes of daydreaming now. Anyway. *snaps fingers* This all leads us back to why she is back in the first place, because she left some files she was reading by the bath. But instead of her files she spies Jane’s baseball, which now is only signed by a Grover Ver.” Mama R insists the “-ben” in his name is silent, but Maura knows better.


Then Mama R confesses to not really being the cleaning genius Jane thinks she is and having fooled her years ago by just buying a new communion dress instead of getting the motor oil out of her old one. Wait, motor oil? How Mama R didn’t know about Jane being gay in the womb is beyond me. By the way, Maura totally knew the story of Jane’s communion dress because, duh, girlfriends tell each other everything. But, never fear, Maura isn’t upset – at Mama R or Jane. Hm, you’d think if she really cared about Prof. Beard’s feelings she’d be at least a little worried. But no. Telling.

Back on the case the detectives have tracked down the witness, a homeless student named Tasha whose parents both passed away. Hey, does she grow up to join the military and fall in love with a girl named Alice? The detectives realize the hitman also found out who she was and visited the school. Tasha is living on her parent’s social security checks so the team splits up to try to find out where she cashes them. Korsak tells everyone to wear vests because of the hitman. Militia, no. Hitman, yes. OK, I don’t get it, but OK.


Jane swears she’ll wear hers, but it’s in the car. Geez, nothing ominous about that. Of course, she isn’t when she goes to the check cashing place. But then finally remembers to put it on while following another lead into a totally sketchy, abandoned alley – alone. Oh, did I mention the cell reception there sucks, too? Yeah, this is going to end well.

She checks through an open door but doesn’t see anyone so leaves, only to have Tasha lock the door behind her. It takes a little convincing, but Jane finally gets Tasha to trust her enough to open the door and come outside.


Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

Shots ring out. Tasha is hit first. Jane is hit trying to protect her – albeit in her vest. Her gun flies out of her hand. Then the most patient hitman in the world lets them stumble back inside the building. They wind up in the elevator with the slowly walking hitman behind them. Jane stops them between floors, which I don’t actually think means they’re safe because couldn’t he pry open the door on either floor and just shoot down at them? Whatever, sorry – stop attaching logical to television. It just ruins everything.


Jane tries to triage Tasha’s wounds. And she does so in true Jane fashion, but telling a joke. “So there were three criminals and they were sentenced to exile in the desert…” Tasha is naturally like, “What the actual fuck, I’m bleeding out here, woman…” But Jane continues and tells her not to talk because it will mess up the rhythm of the joke. It’s an admittedly terrible joke. (Punchline: “I brought a car door so if I get hot I can just roll down the window.”)

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