“Rizzoli & Isles” Subtext Recap (5.07): How to lose a guy in 10 days

 
 

The bookstore owner’s only employee is a young guy with tattoos, so clearly he is a suspect. But, because this is not the first crime procedural we’ve ever watched, we are also pretty sure he didn’t do it.

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Back in the autopsy room, Jane and Maura enjoy each other’s presence in the romantic glow of the morgue lights. Korsak pops his head in to say he is sorry he is going to have to ruin their dinner plans. Of course, he knows they have dinner plans because that’s what couples do–they eat out together. Ahem. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Oh, darn. Looks like Maura will have to cancel their dinner plans with Prof. Beard. Bring out the counter, because that’s Cancellation No. 1 for the night. Jane leaves to check out the crime scene and Maura promises to only talk about “catuli” (puppies in Latin) with Prof. Beard. So, once again, she promises to only talk about Jane. These two, I swear.

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The next day Maura tries to impress Jane with all the ways she talked about her, I mean “puppies,” at dinner. Plus we learn Maura’s new secret nickname for Jane is “Schnoodle.” Jane couldn’t be prouder of her girlfriend, and is of course pleased that Maura’s beard relationship is going well. Power of the closet, people.

Red Herring No. 1 is brought in for questioning with Jane and Korsak because, again, tattoos. He tells them that six months ago something changed with the victim, he stopped caring about the store and everything else. Meanwhile Frankie goes to see Maura about more evidence, but mostly to see how his beard replacement is doing. I know, you two flirted with giving it a try, but in the end it was just too weird for everyone involved. Praise be to Jan Nash.

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Maura tells Frankie it’s not even that serious yet, because Jane hasn’t met him. Frankie nods in agreement because a beard Jane doesn’t like is a beard that will be either dumped, in jail or dead in the bottom of an elevator shaft.

Jane is looking disdainfully at the safe cracker back at the crime scene. He has a hickey on his neck from his “convention.” Do adult people really still give each other hickeys? But the safe was empty so Jane looks around for alternate hiding places. She finds a loose baseboard and asks hickey man for a crowbar. He pulls a, “Want me to do that for you, little lady?” And Jane replies, “Want me to hit you in the nuts with it?” See, it’s stuff like this–threatening harm to the male genitalia with feminist righteousness–that only makes me love this show more.

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Inside they find what appears to be an old book with a note to give it to “Father Cowens.” Turns out the priest was to be just a delivery guy to give the book to a literature professor and tell him it was a riddle. And, indeed, the victim had something “heavy” weighing on his heart. Yes, folks, gone are the days when we watched this show and sat back in self-satisfaction after the first five minutes with a gloaty, “The sister did it.” Like, I have no idea where this is going.

Maura is examining the book and tells Jane the professor it was meant for is a “superhero in the world of illuminated manuscripts.” Jane immediately poopooes the concept of nerd superheroes. Hey now, Jane. Bruce Banner was a scientist. Peter Parker was a high school science genius. And wasn’t that three out of the Fantastic Four’s chosen profession. Nerdy academics can totally be superheroes. Fine, maybe not a literature professor. Now if he was an archeology professor…

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Jane’s superhero scientist girlfriend promises to get to the bottom of the mystery and leave no page left unturned. Very punny, Maura. Jane is so pleased with her girlfriend this week. So many puns, so many metaphors for football glory.

Their happy celebration of each other’s awesomeness is interrupted by Mama Rizzoli. She is a vision in beige, modeling the latest in potato sack chic.

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Jane and Maura look at each other and wordlessly say, “I know us lesbians aren’t stereotypically known for our fashion sense, but, damn–that looks bad.”

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Mama R is going through some big life upheaval and wants to start afresh. This means dumping Lt. Cavanaugh, even though she still likes him. So she is going to let him down easy by wearing 50 shades of beige. They send her off in her happy dourness to do the deed.

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